What a lot of us have found though is NO amount of praise or reassurance really gets through when our children are really unwell - the eating disorder will twist words around and distort what you may be trying get across.

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it is best in the early stages of recovery to just listen but not try to get too caught up with discussions, especially about food or appearances. When she gets distressed about her hair, just listen, let her know she has your support.

Keep up the food, knowing yourself that full nutrition will bring back a healthy body and repair the brain.

-Stubbornmum from the thread New-from-Melbourne-Aust

In my daughter's 10 months of hospitalization I trooped in and out every day. She wasn't always happy to see me, but after a while she got the idea that I was coming because I loved her. (She still can't see why I do). Other family members were less welcomed, but they also came with the "I know you asked me not to come but I wanted to see you".

It is really important that we push through and remember it is ED who is pushing us away, not our children. If ED makes you feel bad then he is winning. Our children need to know that we will love them no matter what.

- foodsupport from the thread To-visit-or-not-to-visit-that's-the-question...

I've got to say:  I am so thankful to all the parents who are years ahead and keep posting on this forum.  We are still in the thick of it (2 months w/r) and it is difficult to have any perspective.  It is difficult not to question the pace and to wonder how/if more independence will happen.  That you all are still here sharing your stories is truly wonderful and generous.  It helps me so much. thank you thank you thank you. - anotherbite

See FEAST's  Parent Stories page

Thanks for your support -- I needed it. ED was indeed tame the rest of the day. D ate the rest of her meals and snacks without incident. 

The hardest part is not the raging, because I can harden myself to that. It's when she pleads in a heartbroken way not to have to eat...it's so awful to hear your little girl so distraught.  This morning when that happened I made myself visualize a whining weasel inside her that could not be trusted and would leap to my face and scratch my eyes if I gave in it all.  Weird image but it kept me strong.

Tonight my D apologized for this morning and I told her I loved her and knew it wasn't her, and that we were definitely going to beat this thing.  I said it with confidence and meant it.

-mercedes from the thread didnt-back-down

I remember this phase, my d actually ran away from school after I dropped her off rather than be seen looking "fat" in her clothes a couple of times.  She was concerned that people would think she was a "failed anorexic" which would be devastating to her--that's what she felt like too.  

It's very difficult even if it doesn't make any sense....she says now that she was absolutely convinced of these things, even if they made no sense; she thought that improbable situations still applied to her somehow and it terrified her.  And it made her very nervous to listen to anyone else's opinion as they just didn't understand that there were different rules of nature that applied to her.

- neverloseheart from the thread Advice from T re: clothes/body stuff - feedback please

Two weeks into FBT, and tonight my D said, "Mom, this dinner is really good!" She really seemed to enjoy the food.  I'm scared to feel this good. Is there an FBT honeymoon period that is then over?

I think it's huge that she no longer has to make food choices.  She seems more relaxed and more animated. All those brain cells that used to be occupied with planning food/worrying/restricting/calculating can now go back to what they are supposed to be doing.

- mercedes from the thread Daily-victories-continued
Read more about re-feeding with "The Magic Plate"

The sheer diversity of experiences on ATDT is a testament to how complex the issue of ED's are and although I'm always struck by the similarities (what I know call the petit filou moments!), every case is genuinely unique. My D's OCD manifests itself in "matching". Everything has to match in the day, so if it's blueberries for breakfast, it has to be a blueberry muffin with coffee, blueberries after lunch and for dessert at dinner. Bonkers to me, but completely logical to her.

-emilysh from the thread No-one-way-no-right-way-and-NO-judgment

My girl said "thank you for dinner, mom". 

I almost choked on my food.  Haven't heard that in 6 months.  (I almost said "thank you for eating, kid"...but I didn't) She also balked at ribs for lunch and had to replace with ensure...but, I'll take my little victories and recognize 'em when I get 'em.    This is what phase 2 looks like...bits of sun peeking out of the clouds. 

- anotherbite from the thread Daily-victories-continued

Our DD said very, very little about ED and still doesn't, years later. 

However, in the midst of it, she said that "it" was way worse after dinner because the day was winding down and there was nothing to distract her from what she had eaten, even though we did the TV thing, etc. She had to deal with the ACCUMULATION of all she had eaten during the day. The voice was way louder, lMO. Our routine was to beat the tar out of the mattress upstairs and do some, uh, creative vocalizing. DD's idea.

I wonder if night raging may be a sign that ED knows it lost the battle for that day. So the raging is, in a weird sort of ED way, a victory whoop for recovery. Food went in, ED is one step closer to out. This felt very similar to toddler melt down close to bedtime; re-feeding is tiring for the sufferer, too, and they have just had it by evening. It is hard to watch the raging, but I tried to think of it as a good sort of steam bath, releasing toxins and nastiness. Hang in there!

-pamom from the thread What-do-you-do-when-they-rage

YOU GO MOM!!!!!You totally are doing the right thing- following your gut. There have been a zillion times when things we had been doing suddenly felt wrong at the time and we changed it up...One example for me was when my D for weeks and weeks wanted strawberry for her shake. We would try to give her chocolate etc. and she refused saying she likes strawberry. She would always TALK about chocolate though. So one day I finally figured out that she WANTED chocolate but ED would not let her have it b/c strawberry was a "fruit" at least. So I made a giant hot fudge shake and D fussed and whined and ATE IT and in a later time told me that she so badly wanted chocolate but ED would not let her and thanked me. Now she loves all flavors and asks me to put candy bars in it etc. You will be in a different place a year from now. The days last forever and the months will fly by. LOVE TO YOU!!!!!!!!
--mamabear from the thread didnt-back-down