I know this sounds crazy, but when my D's ED used to argue with me, and the "hmmms" and "I know's" were not working, I would sometimes say "I do not want to talk to ED right now. I would like to talk to my daughter. I know she is in there somewhere and I know that she wants to be well. I know that she knows to trust me. I will not talk with you ED."

She would most often say "I hate when you do that!" but then she would shut up. It helped her to separate herself from ED. Now she tells me all sorts of things about what it was like in her head in those stages (as much as she can remember).

The most poignant thing is that she often tells me that when I took things away from ED - like exercise or the right to chose anything etc. SHE was relieved because ED could not be mad at her - it could blame me. Now that she is stronger- she is fighting it on her own most of the time and does not need me to do 100% of it for her. Does that make any sense?

- mamabear from the Reassurance thread

My light bulb moment was after our first weigh-in with our FBT and my daughter had lost 2 pounds.  I was devastated.  Later that evening I said to my 18 year old son - "This anorexia is so much stronger than I thought.  It's stronger than D." and he said,

"Yeah, Mom, but it's not stronger than you."

And this from a boy who is not sweet but terribly logical.  God bless him!  D gained 5 pounds at the next visit. 

-kawi3 from the thread Light-bulb-moments!

So that was it. She looks to us, adults for reassurance for a bit, and then is able to switch the mental channel. Kind of blew away the FBT honestly.

All I can say it is a far cry from the self harm in the hospital in April 2011 when she knew her weight and it was 40 pounds less. Scratching her legs to bits over weighing 65 pounds. All I can say is huray for recovery. Are we out of the woods totally? No, but she has had some steady supported recovery to get here 7 mo. post WR.

-Amoma from the thread Daily-victories-continued

D just yelled at little brother to "Sit still and stop moving. You are driving me nuts!" I had to bite my tongue so hard! For what - 9 months or so we all had to endure D moving 24/7 and never sitting and always jiggling etc. I really believe she has no real memories of the severity of it all. So great and still surreal to see her sprawled out on the couch texting on her iPod yelling at everyone else to sit down!!!!!

- mamabear from the thread Unbelievable-progress!-Keep-going!!!!!
Obsessive movement is one Warning Sign of an eating disorder.

What a lot of us have found though is NO amount of praise or reassurance really gets through when our children are really unwell - the eating disorder will twist words around and distort what you may be trying get across.

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it is best in the early stages of recovery to just listen but not try to get too caught up with discussions, especially about food or appearances. When she gets distressed about her hair, just listen, let her know she has your support.

Keep up the food, knowing yourself that full nutrition will bring back a healthy body and repair the brain.

-Stubbornmum from the thread New-from-Melbourne-Aust

In my daughter's 10 months of hospitalization I trooped in and out every day. She wasn't always happy to see me, but after a while she got the idea that I was coming because I loved her. (She still can't see why I do). Other family members were less welcomed, but they also came with the "I know you asked me not to come but I wanted to see you".

It is really important that we push through and remember it is ED who is pushing us away, not our children. If ED makes you feel bad then he is winning. Our children need to know that we will love them no matter what.

- foodsupport from the thread To-visit-or-not-to-visit-that's-the-question...

I've got to say:  I am so thankful to all the parents who are years ahead and keep posting on this forum.  We are still in the thick of it (2 months w/r) and it is difficult to have any perspective.  It is difficult not to question the pace and to wonder how/if more independence will happen.  That you all are still here sharing your stories is truly wonderful and generous.  It helps me so much. thank you thank you thank you. - anotherbite

See FEAST's  Parent Stories page

Thanks for your support -- I needed it. ED was indeed tame the rest of the day. D ate the rest of her meals and snacks without incident. 

The hardest part is not the raging, because I can harden myself to that. It's when she pleads in a heartbroken way not to have to eat...it's so awful to hear your little girl so distraught.  This morning when that happened I made myself visualize a whining weasel inside her that could not be trusted and would leap to my face and scratch my eyes if I gave in it all.  Weird image but it kept me strong.

Tonight my D apologized for this morning and I told her I loved her and knew it wasn't her, and that we were definitely going to beat this thing.  I said it with confidence and meant it.

-mercedes from the thread didnt-back-down

I remember this phase, my d actually ran away from school after I dropped her off rather than be seen looking "fat" in her clothes a couple of times.  She was concerned that people would think she was a "failed anorexic" which would be devastating to her--that's what she felt like too.  

It's very difficult even if it doesn't make any sense....she says now that she was absolutely convinced of these things, even if they made no sense; she thought that improbable situations still applied to her somehow and it terrified her.  And it made her very nervous to listen to anyone else's opinion as they just didn't understand that there were different rules of nature that applied to her.

- neverloseheart from the thread Advice from T re: clothes/body stuff - feedback please

Two weeks into FBT, and tonight my D said, "Mom, this dinner is really good!" She really seemed to enjoy the food.  I'm scared to feel this good. Is there an FBT honeymoon period that is then over?

I think it's huge that she no longer has to make food choices.  She seems more relaxed and more animated. All those brain cells that used to be occupied with planning food/worrying/restricting/calculating can now go back to what they are supposed to be doing.

- mercedes from the thread Daily-victories-continued
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