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11 yr old s wr for 2 months and getting worseOpen in a New Window

11 yr old son dx AN in April. After 2 weeks in hospital with low heart rate sent home for us to refeed. We had lots of rages and tears etc. He has been wr for 2 months. He's 138.5cm and 35.6kg. He looks great but his mental state seems to be getting worse. Up to 4/5 weeks ago meals were lasting half and hour and snacks 15 mins now meals can take anywhere between 1 and 1.5 hours. This is totally frustrating and we are trying everything including rewards and incentives. He totally shreds his sandwiches and when asked to eat his crumbs he bites bits off curbs making even more which then takes longer to eat, smears his food on the table and his face is totally covered in food by the time he has finished. He tries to spit back into his drinks which we have attempted to combat by using straws and now non drip drinking cups which are helping. It's like he's totally forgotten how to eat and use his lips. Our boy before this illness hit had impeccable table manners. He is doing a lot of slavering and constantly spits out saliva to make sure there is no food in it!! He was having vomit mouthfuls a month or so ago but that's all stopped and we have been monitoring 24/7 since April. He does this weird toe tapping thing on the wall before he runs on the spot until I cuddle him to stop him. At night In bed he would spin round and round and ask me to hold him down and then he would calm. He says he has to to the rituals to feel better. My gut tells me we need to help him break these habits but I don't know if that's the right thing to do. He was sleeping with me for the last 2 months but has been back in his own bed for the last 3 nights and has been fine. We are in the UK and are been treated by CAMHS and he is weighed every 2 weeks. They are telling us that they would have expected things to have improved as his weight is good. We put him back to school today for the morning only which he seemed to enjoy on the advice of CAMHS. They feel that getting him back to school might speed up his recovery. The CAMHS ed nurse came to the house yesterday to observe him eating his lunch. She feels that things are still quite difficult for him. He seemed to be able to control the slavering more when she was here which led my h and I to believe he has more control than he know he has. She also mentioned that they may admit him for a few days to monitor him. He has been on fluoxetine 10mg which was increased to 16mg 2 months ago. I have just changed my user name from my real name if any of you wonderful people out there recognise some of what is in my post. I would be grateful for any advice anyone can give me. I hate this vile illness with a passion and just want to see a even the tiniest improvement. H and I really struggling to keep calm even when we know that we have to be.sorry for the long post


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


D refuses to eatOpen in a New Window

I know it may sound like a dumb question, but how can I make my 10 years old eat? This morning she had her breakfast "just fine" but for lunch she said she wouldn't eat and that's it. It's been 3 hours and a halt that I'm trying to talk her into it. I already told her she will be grounded and won't be able to do anything she wants, but she doesn't care.

At the same time, my other D just felt from the UB and may need to go to the hospital. What should I do? If I let my D come with me (I don't have no one to take care of her rn) she won't eat and feel like she won. And I can't let my other D just suffer with the pain.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Treating depressionOpen in a New Window

My 15-year-old daughter with RAN also has severe depression, anxiety, and OCD. She is currently in the adolescent unit being treated for depression. We have had a good experience with CFD for residential and Veritas for PHP, but the depression has never been controlled by meds/therapy. As the depression has worsened, her ED has re-emerged.

Has anyone found a residential center with a strong ability to treat depression and SI? She started TMS before this trip to the hospital, so continuing that would be a bonus, but not a necessity. She is not a fan of DBT and will probably not benefit from that kind of program again. We are a year into treatment and she is down to 85% WR, down from 100% earlier this year.

Any thoughts are much appreciated. We were doing so well, and then suddenly we weren't.



'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Back after nearly 3 years - relapse..advice neededOpen in a New Window

Hi everyone, 
Well I suspected I'd be back at some point to hear from the wise and kind people on this forum. Short re-cap, my daughter developed anorexia when she was 10 and we spent all of yr 6 providing meal support at school & home. By the first year of high school she was recovered enough to start to eat on her own and we have had nearly 3 years of normality. She is now in yr 9 and nearly 15. We have had the usual trials of being a teenager,,pushing the boundaries, wanting more independance, alchohol, boys, but so far it has all been pretty normal behaviour for her age and she has been pretty sensible. 
She starting pestering us to become vegan maybe a year ago but accepted that with her history it just wasn't a good idea. All good but then she is an excellent debater and negotiator and she badgered us in to a compromise eventually. The compromise for the last 4 or so months has been that she can have a vegan breakfast (usually peanut butter on toast or avocado on toast which she has always had) and a vegan lunch (pasta pesto, felafel wraps, lentil curry) but have my dinners where she eats meat and dairy and fish. Also I said I would need to start weighing her again which she agreed to. Well all good at first and she actually gained weight..I could see without weighing, as she was eating way more carbs, popcorns chips etc than she used to. 
All good until we went to Europe for 5 weeks and she was able to choose more vegan meals as we were in hotels a lot of the time and the restaurants in London etc cater really well for vegans.
So back home now for 4 weeks..we go back to my dinners so she has had plenty of meat, dairy etc and i weighed her once just to check no marked difference (she was the heaviest she had every been, good) however maybe this has triggered something again. i got a call from her good friend at school saying that she and some other friends were worried as she hasn't been eating her lunch, been giving it away and at a Birthday dinner on Saturday night she ate very little as there weren't many vegan options.
She ate a tonne of beef ragu and pasta last night for dinner, plus popcorn and chocolate, but i know that not eating lunch is a slippery slope for people with her predisposition. Her friend is desperate for me not to tell her that she called me. I know that I have to go in with all guns blazing and go back into school for meal support to stop it spiralling. My question is how do I tell her I know what's happening without causing a massive drama in her group? i suspect she is already mentally suffering and wouldn't handle it well that her friends have told me what's going on. She has not lost any weight yet but if these behaviours continue she will, but obviously i don't want to wait until she has lost weight. What to do? I want to start going into school next week. Any ideas?
She is obviously so much more independant than she was when she was 11, so this will be much harder. 


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


The Untold on R4Open in a New Window

Sorry is anyone's already posted, I didn't spot it. On BBC R4 today 'The Untold' was an audio diary from a teenage girl with Anorexia. Very sad and frustrating listening. I hope she's doing better now.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Off to collegeOpen in a New Window

Oh my.  Here we go off into the vast beyond.

I dropped my d off at university 3 hours from home, but honestly I'm not sure this is the best thing.  I belatedly realized at the eleventh hour that her mental health is quite a bit worse than I had thought - ugh ugh ugh.  I'm not so worried about her eating as about her anxiety - she has been well and truly wr for more than 3 years and did a great job feeding herself all summer.  But the anxiety!  Through the roof.  Her history of SH and suicidal ideation worries me so much.  

Every year her mental health takes a turn for the worse at the same time - right now (late summer).  Such unfortunate timing. 

My advice to those with somewhat younger teens is to start preparing early!  The summer flew past in a blink what with all the travel and having her friend visit from across the country.  I'm sorry to say I didn't get many of the things done that were on my mental list so now I'm kicking myself.  I hope she will be okay.

She is so young.  So very young - much younger than you would think from her chronological age.  (Well, fellow FEASTIES will know that makes perfect sense but the rest of the world ... ) 

In about 10 days I'll head down to meet her new therapist with her and see how D seems.  

Please send thoughts of strength and hope our way.  Thanks.  xx



'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


"Atypical" AN diagnosis experience?Open in a New Window

Hi all,

My daughter was diagnosed with AN 2 weeks ago.  She had a hospital stay and now is home with us doing FBT and re-feeding.  While she had several AN indicators, there were a lot of symptoms that did not ring true for her.   A specialist was called in to confirm diagnosis because she was "atypical" to the doctors.  

We are now in re-feeding and I have been reading the discussion threads - all very helpful - thank you!   I'm again finding that most of what is described is not what we are experiencing at home in recovery.  She is willingly (and sometimes happily) eating all of the food we are giving her (except for meat which makes her sad but she will eat it).  She wants to gain weight.  She even added some ketchup to her potatoes for breakfast this weekend.   Her big obstacle is eating meat - she was a vegetarian starting about a year ago and started loosing a bunch of weight about 8 weeks ago.  She has had every doctor tell her that meat is medicine so she is eating it but is sad, cries some when eating and is determined to become vegetarian again once she is back to the medical goal weight.  

Doctors have told us that we could have caught it early, her young age etc could contribute to her willingness to follow the re-feeding.  Or that perhaps it will turn out to not be AN - depending how the next year goes.  

Just wondering if anyone else has had this experience of feeling like some of this fits and some of it really doesn't?   We are grateful for where she is now in her recovery and hoping that there isn't more lurking for a later age and very scared if/when she goes back to vegetarian.

Thanks for your thoughts.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Out of IP today and back to Partial - adviceOpen in a New Window

Hi all, my D is transitioning back to Partial after a week of inpatient to get her eating again and meds adjusted. She will sleep at home tonight and do breakfast and a snack here now.

My question... she's nervous about coming home. We are too but ready. Can you share tips on how you spoke to/supported/encouraged eating in your child when they were crying or distressed about a meal? We've used "food is medicine" always but what about when the response is - I don't care. It's too hard. It's too much. I'm going to get big. I won't. Etc.

Any other tips/advice on making the transition smooth and a little less stressful. What you wish you had done, in hindsight or what you did do that worked?

How you keep a young adult who wants to be well, but is afraid, eating meal by meal? I know- million dollar question!



'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


IP One Year AnniversaryOpen in a New Window

I'm trying not to think about this but I just can't help it - my d is coming up to 1 year in IP. I'm trying to think about the present and the future but the grief that comes from this anniversary really creeps up on me from time to time. 

As far as my D is doing, she has come a long way with baby steps - she eats everything, has been WR for 4 months, and incidents/SH have come down to once a week max. Although still on 1:1 her observations have stepped down slightly. 

However it just seems as though my D will never have the breakthrough that is needed to embrace life. In fact some of the therapists believe this doesn't happen until they are more mature and approaching adulthood - 17 or 18. My D is 15 (16 in a few months) but does that mean another year in IP? I so hope not but I guess I can't put a time on this as I'll only be disappointed.

I count my lucky stars that my D has come this far but there just seems so far to go still....  


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Suggestions for comorbid - Sifting through the symptomsOpen in a New Window

Good morning,

I haven't posted for a while.  My thoughts and prayers have been with you all.

Has anyone had experience with comorbidity (bipolar 1, substance abuse, delusions) and treating an eating disorder (anorexia and bulimia) all at once.?  We had a diagnosis of eating disorders, but bipolar 1 and delusions are obvious since the age of 21.  This may have been covered in other posts, but I'm looking for a inpatient program in the midwest US that might handle this.  She is refusing treatment and has put herself in extremely dangerous situations in the past two years.

We have been advised by attorneys not to get guardianship, because we would be liable for any damage she causes.  (She has broken a windshield, damaged walls, and fought off police when they were trying to get her help).  She talked a judge out of admitting her by court order.

Thank you for your help


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Coming out of hospital - advice neededOpen in a New Window

Hi all - my daughter is close to the end of a 3-week hospital stay. Before being admitted, life was hell and she she was only eating an apple a day during the week before she went in. She's doing well in hospital, eating all her meals (but isn't gaining much weight). I get glimpses of my old bubbly, smiley daughter - but obviously the anorexia is still very much present. I'm so worried about having her home again and being able to keep her eating like she is in hospital. I know I will have a meal plan to follow, and meal support from a CAMHS outreach team about 3 times a week, but I'm still so worried. Does anyone have any tips and advice on how to help her continue eating well, once she's discharged and home with me? Plus - whilst in hospital, she's told me a few tricks she was doing at home during the past few months, which I had no idea about, such as hiding food in her pockets and then flushing it down the toilet. Is it a good sign in her recovery that she's told me these "tricks"?


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


New here, piece of advice?Open in a New Window

So, I'm new here (To the forum and to eading disorders). I'm only here because my daughter's school counselor said it would be a good idea.

I have two twin daughters and they are 10 years old. When they were 3 years old I put them on gumnastics, because I thought it would be a fun thing for kids to do. With the years, Taylor fell in live with the sport and is now at level 8 training level 9 (Which is great for her age) and her life is all about gymnastics. She's either at the gym, training on the backyard or watching something about it on the internet. Shelby, my other daughter said ahe hate it last years and that she wanted to quit. We said we were okay with that and that she should do whatever makes ber happy. But since then, they fight all the time and they are growing apart (Taylor is home schooled, ao she only has friends from the gym) and Shelby can't make friends on her own (At school). She's also being mean to her sister all the time, saying she will have a men's body and that she'll get hurt and never do gymnastics again.

Anyway. Back to the eating disorder. They both also eat a lot, but since Shelby quit the sport she gained a couple of pounds (She went from fit to a little bit overweight) but that was never a problem for us. A few months ago she started to lose some weight and we thought it was something natural. But eventuallu we started to realize she was skipping meals, lying to us about eating at a friends house and one of the gym moms said she was forcing vomit in the bathroom at a birthday party. (She said she just felt sick and didn't force anything). We also found a lot of "snacks" under her bed, which was new for us.

I honestly don't know anything about eating issues and don't know how to deal about it. Our money, time and life was always about gymnastic (Which is very, very expensive!) I don't know if we have the resources to deal with everything at the same time.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


School lunch- need adviseOpen in a New Window

I've gotten a few good advises on this forum and hoping for another one. We were supervising all D school lunches for the second half of last year. Now she asked to do it on her own this school year. she is in 9th grade and WR. We thought it is a good idea for D to try that. We agreed that if she can't finish 100% for whatever reason to bring it back home and we would not get upset. She would just have to finish it at home. First 3 days of school were fine, today is the 4th day since school year started. She texted me: " can't do it, will eat at home". I texted her back that I was proud of her for telling me and asked her why she couldn't eat. She texted back: " anxiety, everyone looks so skinny". Now, she has a huge body image issues and we are trying to work on that. She keeps comparing herself to skinny girls and a lot of body checking. I know we'll probably have to go back to supervising school lunches again, but I am still hoping that maybe we can help her without going back to that. Appreciate any advise on how to talk to her and how to still try independent school lunches. Thanks in advance.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Leaving treatment earlyOpen in a New Window


I have been reading the site for several years. I need some advice. My daughter diagnosed at 13. Treated twice at kartini. Full 12 and 14 week stays. With out patient follow up. Now 16 just finished residential at ERC Washington and is in there php program. Not weight restored yet. They are moving slow. Barely making a pound a week gain. She has been in their care for 5 weeks. We are considering pulling her and finishing re feeding at home. Has anyone ever pulled their child against medical advice? Our daughter has been completing 100% the entire 5 weeks not booster once. Says she wants to get better. Would like to do this at home now. Is willing to let us weigh her and manage her meals. Has a recovery plan laid out. In terms of working on self care and managing her anxiety. She is now 16 and has gained insight and brain development. Would I be crazy to take her out? I just don't see what value they are giving us other than doing her meals. She probably has about 10 pounds to go to WR. Any thoughts are welcome.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


New diagnostic video from the Kartini Clinic featuring presentation of an 11 yo male with restricting anorexiaOpen in a New Window

Morgan O'Toole, CEO of the US-based Kartini Clinic, got in touch with me to send me this link to the first of a series of videos they are making about males with eating disorders.This particular video, presented by Dr Julie O'Toole, Kartini Clinic founder and Chief Medical Officer, is about how to recognise eating disorders in boys. Here's what they say in the description:

This video shows a 12 year old boy who has struggled with classical anorexia nervosa, including fear of fat, self-denial, increased and compulsive exercise, weight loss and intrusive thoughts of worthlessness and shaming. He is also an excellent student, excels at sports and is personally very tidy. He comes from an intact, highly functional and supportive family and there is a family history of OCD and perfectionism. He is able to talk about 'voices' telling him not to eat and what to drink. There are no symptoms of psychosis or delusions except for the delusional belief that he is fat.

 Morgan says: "We hope to produce a series of these shortly; we already have raw footage of a adolescent transgender patient (female to male) we think would be very topical."





'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

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