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Around the Dinner Table Forum Recent Threads

Anorexia and separation anxiety....?Open in a New Window

Does anyone have any experience with someone who has an ED and separation anxiety?
I feel that my daughter has separation anxiety (with me) and she has also been diagnosed with anorexia.
Only one psychiatrist mentioned it to us in a session but didn't elaborate. 

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

New here and getting startedOpen in a New Window

Hey there,
I have been having a read of this forum and I feel blown away by how courageous everyone here is in providing such hard but loving care to treat their children with this illness.
My d has a history of AN with activity and exercise compulsions.  History now for several years (I should say she is nearly 18 so not a youngster now!).  IP admissions have weight restored to a point in the past but on discharge old behaviours crept back again and before we knew it we were back to square one.  
Now back to a point of not critical IP admission stage yet but hoping to stop it getting there.  We have not tried a serious FBT approach before but willing to try anything.
Right now d weight is maintaining probably on around 2300-2400 a day intake and she has compulsive walking - it is hard to stop her going for two walks a day at least, each for around an hour.  Other than that the same behaviours that others here describe of difficulties sitting and difficulties relaxing.
She is desparate for help and admits that but at the same time is resistant to some of our approaches when anxiety seems to sky rocket.  She is currently on a break from college but says she really wants to get back to her studies and on the one hand seems eager to do 'normal' things but when any further suggestion of any small trips even are made she cries off as small changes to her 'routine' seem to cause her anxiety to increase again.
Advice would be much appreciated on starting out with this FBT attempt.
We are currently not using the ED specialist services as a lot of their input in the past does seem to have reinforced a lot of her eating disorder thinking to a large extent by giving her further 'rules' to follow that ED clings to and their approaches have had little use to now.
I appreciate any advice.  This forum is such a wealth of information and it is great to feel we are not alone.

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Frustrated, Scared.. Am I doing the right thing? Issues with outpatient care...Open in a New Window

In Feb. my oldest daughter was diagnosed with anorexia and hospitalized.  When we showed up at emergency on the evening of Feb 14 we were told she would be in the hospital for a couple of days.  She stayed in the hospital for a month.  Then I decided to take her home.
We had met with 'the team' ( a social worker, a psychiatrist and a nutritionist ) and began re feeding my daughter.  Both myself, my daughter, and my daughter's step dad met the social worker on individual basis.  We bore our souls in efforts to save my daughter.  
A month in hospital and there were no follow up meetings with the social worker or therapy.  Just feeding her disgusting hospital food.
Now we are attending weekly outpatient care meetings. These meetings are with a psychiatrist.  There is no team. No nutritionist and no social worker.  A couple of weeks ago the Dr. prescribed medication.  Weight restoration has been slow and very little.
I don't know if we are doing the right thing.  I was confident that taking her out of hospital was the right thing to do . I was staying with her (an hour from home), not seeing my other daughter and missing work.  We felt shuffled around and forgotten at times while in hospital.  Feeding became up to me, not the nurses and therefore they would miss things like administering peg and taking vitals etc.
Today my daughter just confessed that she has been exercising.  Three times a day!  Sneaking it quietly in her room.  I am so upset. 
She is like a ticking time bomb with her sister.  Their relationship has become so strained.  Her sister was also diagnosed with an eating disorder last year.  Her weight is restored but clearly is struggling now that her sister is in the midst of this war against herself.
I just don't know what is normal as far as treatment. If I am missing something.  Should I change something?  How much should I be feeding her?  Should I be keeping track of calories? Should I be demanding more of the healthcare system.
I thought we were doing better than we are. I looked at her face today and she has dark circles under her eyes and her skin is pasty.

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Eating Disorders and Gender IdentityOpen in a New Window

I've read somewhere that children that have gender identity or gender dysmorphia are prone to eating disorders and self mutilation.  Does anyone have any real evidence of this?  How do we know it isn't the other way around and that eating disorders can lead to gender identity issues?

Before my daughter became ill (she was very young when symptoms first appeared) she didn't seem to suffer from depression or low self esteem or social anxiety.  She was outgoing, definitely a perfectionist, competitive and hyper sensitive to injustice.   After she became ill, she could no longer look people in they eyes.  When they spoke to her, her head went down.  She stopped being outgoing and became very introverted.  She also is going through middle school - blech.  After she got sick she asked me to cut her hair short (it was also weak and thin back then).  She was often mistaken for a boy back then (and still is occasionally).  She tends to Cosplay as male characters but then again, that's not unusual given how many lead characters are men.  She questioned her sexual orientation, but seemed content with not really having a preference (since she's just 13). 

Out of the blue this week she said that she's a transgendered boy.  She said she likes to wear boys clothes, prefers short hair and feels more comfortable presenting as a boy.  She said she has no idea what her sexual orientation is and again said she's not worried about it.  

I though transgendered children knew or showed signs much earlier.  I also though gender can be fluid (with many people choosing different presentations at different times).  I admit, I'm 51 years old and NOT up on the variations of gender identities and sexual orientations as I suspect more young people are, but neither do I have any prejudice or concerns with them either.  I'm a tree hugging liberal through and through. 

However, should she/he be putting himself/herself into such a box at this age, especially when she is still battling anorexia?  Do you think the ED has any connection or is she/he just going through the process of trying to figure out who she/he is?  As far as how he/she presents, I do not care - her/his name is gender neutral so that doesn't change and hair/clothes are a who cares!  But once school starts it may become more challenging.  Also, her puberty was delayed due to the ED, but is now catching up - she/he mentioned taping down her chest.  Does anyone have any experience with this and any insight they can provide me?  I don't want to say/do something wrong here. 

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

AN SEEMS TO HAVE MUTATED INTO DEPRESSIONOpen in a New Window

My D was discharged from CAMHS back in October and has been doing really well leading a normal life until about a month ago.  She has sunk into a deep depression spending literally her whole day in bed and her anxiety has made it impossible for her to go to college.  She doesn't eat or drink during the day but gets up around 5pm(ish) and between then and 10pm(ish) eats all the food she would have had during the normal day.  She has not lost or gained any weight.  Got back in touch with CAMHS who organised an assessment at home (which took nearly three weeks).  She was then discussed as a priority case at their "allocation meeting" on Tuesday.  Yesterday they phoned me to say that she was on the waiting list which was currently six months long!!  When I informed them that actually she could be dead within the six months they have decided to have an other meeting (next Tuesday) to see whether it would be better to transfer her to adult talking therapies.  D is 18 in January and they think the wait is much shorter.  We were thinking of investigating some private sessions but it says you need to be referred by your GP.  If that is so would that mean that we would be taken off the NHS/CAMHS list?  I am totally appalled with the situation and just wondered whether anybody else has had similar problems.

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Another gem from my daughters business FB pageOpen in a New Window

When I used to go on holiday I stressed so much about what I was eating & drinking, that I wasn't working out. I would worry so much that I was coming home more stressed than when I left, getting ready to "undo" all my holiday damage.

Now days I really do give way less f$#*s I go with how I feel, choose what I desire, enjoy my meals and a good few drinks. I truly unwind and my body loves me for it. We have everyday to eat well and workout, we aren't on holiday everyday to chillax. Yes your body might be a bit different to when you left but your workouts, your healthy meals, your gym and your routine are waiting for you when you get back & you will be surprised how easily your body knows what to do when you trust it 

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

my heart is broken: TWO daughters with EDsOpen in a New Window

One of my daughters has battled anorexia since she was in middle school (she is now 19).   This daughter is currently in inpatient treatment at ERC,  forced to be there because of a court order.   She has been hospitalized in the past but this time things have been particularly brutal,  both in that she has fought treatment tooth and nail and because I just learned that she has also been purging off and on for the past two years.  I had suspicions a few times but she always swore up and down that she had never/would never do this and I had no evidence.  She was, however, and I was didn't know.  Even during her senior year of high school when I thought things were going so well,  I was being fooled.   Her therapist was being fooled.  I don't trust my instincts any more. 

Today my youngest daughter confided in me that she has been battling anorexic thoughts and engaging in some ED behavior for the past year.  She says she has fought it because of witnessing what this has done to her sister's life but that lately the urges have gotten stronger.  Her weight is normal and she does eat but she is a runner and her running has increased. This did worry me and my husband.   This daughter is extremely driven and a perfectionist who holds herself to very high standards (despite our efforts to encourage her to not be so rigid).  She also has anxiety issues and I had taken her to a doctor about this recently.  Ironically,  her doctor encouraged the running as a way to relieve stress and anxiety.

My heart is broken and I feel like a failure.  Goodness knows,  I have tried to do the right things.  I've sat at tables for meals and snacks, participated in therapy, read and researched.   Yet,  I STILL was fooled about my oldest daughter's purging and now my youngest is struggling.   I feel broken.  I don't feel at all strong enough to handle this with two kids at the same time but, of course,  what choice do I have?    Add to this my own health issues that have developed in the past year and I just feel so weary and depressed.  I've never been a depressed person before;  resilience and optimism had been a strength of mine but years of dealing with one daughter with Aspergers, OCD,  another daughter with anorexia and now another daughter with an ED and I'm left wondering if I can cope.    I'm sorry to whine but it's how I'm feeling today. 

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

New here...Anorexic daughter and my own body image issues.Open in a New Window

My daughter will be 15 in November.  She was diagnosed and hospitalized this past February with anorexia.  She was in the hosptial for a month and we decided to switch to outpatient care as the hospital was quite the distance away.  
There is a lot I can say about this journey and I probably will fill it in as we go but there is something that has been eating at me. I am the main caregiver in my daugther's life.  Her go to person ~ her mother.  But I feel so ill equiped most days as I look in the mirror and see my own weight creep up on the scale.  I know it sounds horrible and so hypocritical. 
I am wondering if anyone here has had the same struggle and have been able to find healing themselves through the journey they are taking with their loved one?

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

should i consider tough love?Open in a New Window

Hi,

This is my first time on the forum. My 11 yr old daughter is at maintenance on Mausdsley and we are trying to start having a life again - trying to break down the anorexic rituals and introduce more foods. I am mentally shattered - if M has a good patch I love and spend time with her constantly encouraging and being positive - if M has an aggressive patch I do the same - I always pour out to her and I feel it's always on her terms and she is effectively controlling us. yesterday I  felt beat and I just couldn't speak to her and feel terrible but am trying to treat her like an other child with bad behaviour - i.e when she was feeling ok I was civil but not affectionate for the first time ever. Is this a good idea? I can be very strong but this is the hardest thing I have faced - will tough love and setting emotional boundaries work or should I just always be 100% loving and understating whatever her mood? Please help....

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Can't decide about UCSD for our family--requesting feedback please!Open in a New Window

Hi, everyone, I spoke with Samira a few times, who is the coordinator of IFT at UCSD, and at this time, I am not too confident that this program is right for us.  This 1 wk IFT is supposed to be about a year's worth of FBT, but what about families like us, who are into about a year's worth of recovery, as we were told?  I'm wondering what will we get out of this?

I've written to a couple of families who attended this program and one family that attended earlier this year are in the place where we are right now.  At this time, I don't think we need to learn what happens to our brains or how an ED person thinks/hears/sees.  I'm trying to be realistic to my D's state, and she needs strategies to stop comparing with her twin.  If that's the case, shouldn't we be starting a therapist here instead?  

I've heard mostly good things about this so I do want to 'try' it, but I keep on feeling, based on reading from what goes on during the week, that we'll be sitting there feeling like we've wasted our time and money, because this is not what we really needed.     I'd appreciate your thoughts!!!

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

National Carers' Conference - are you going?Open in a New Window

Hello everyone,

Are you planning to attend the National Carers' Conference (organised by Eating Disorders Carer) at the Institute of Psychiatry in London on Friday 23 June?

If so, please do get in touch with me directly - it would be lovely to put some faces to names!

Looking forward to meeting some of you next week, I hope.

All good wishes,

Hebrides

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Ray of sunshine on a gloomy dayOpen in a New Window

Hi. I just want to vent a bit, and share something. 
Today started ok, with eaten breakfast, but then my constant monitoring got to my D, and she became so angry, swearing and aggressive. I guess ED reached my breaking point, and although I felt like taking a plate and smashing it, I just left the house. I went for a walk, and even this hot and humid weather is more acceptable than ED in my house. I don't know how long I stayed, almost an hour.
When I came home, it was indeed snack time (we don't have a meal plan, we go by 1st meal and then time it from then on). I found my daughter making her smoothie! She knew it was time, and I took over because she doesn't know I put 1/4 cup of oil in there. It was such a calming moment for me that she knows what needs to be done. Literally, a ray of sunshine. 
My H then reported he had a talk with her, and established a new mantra: No pain, no gain (he says the pun is not intended but I like that better with pun intended  ). 
This experience gave me another spring in my step. 




Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Hello and help, please!Open in a New Window

Hello everyone,
I am very new to this so apologies if I seem clueless. 
My daughter is 13 turning 14 soon. She is currently in hospital  and will likely be released in a few days. She has been diagnosed with anorexia, but it appears more ARFID. She is not body dysmorphic, but she is more afraid that certain foods will give her parasites, and this has led her to restrict more and more. This OCD/Anxiety has been apparent for a couple of years now, but has intensely magnified as she spiraled down health-wise.
The hospital espouses FBT/Maudsley (Ive read the books at their suggestion) but they don't have anything to offer but once a week outpatient afterward. They're recommending a month residential (Center for Discovery) that doesn't really connect to Maudsley. 
So do we do the residential? Start Maudsley when she returns home? My ex is supportive but not exactly super proactive. 
My daughter and I had been living overseas this past year and I picked up and brought her back to get help when I saw how badly things were deteriorating, so for right now she is in his house while I try to quickly establish a place, a new job, etc. etc. Ugh. Such a mess. 
Anyways, any advice about next steps would be much appreciated.

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Conference videos to watch for free. Lots to learn.Open in a New Window

The At Home With Eating Disorders Conference 2017 was a great success. To help all those out who for whatever reason couldn't make it, the videos of the full conference are available for viewing. 

Thanks so much to those who have done this. This conference was organised by FEAST combined with the Butterfly Foundation.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwAiWzISIlS1fBg3e6ljzeGDI7XAIC1LH&app=desktop

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

An excellent article on anorexia - useful for your friends & family?Open in a New Window

This article does a great job of describing anorexia to the general public.
(Apologies if it's already been flagged up).

The writer Jenny Anderson was very conscientious about checking things, after interviewing Mima Simic of Maudsley child/adolescent unit, myself and others. 

https://qz.com/975478/the-rise-of-anorexia-in-young-children-and-how-little-parents-know-about-it/
QZ article.JPG 

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


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