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A quieter, more disconcerting version of Anorexia, good or bad?Open in a New Window

And another question ATDT moms and dads.  (I have to pace myself these days!)  My D age 12 (anorexia diagnosed 5 months ago, re-feeding at home) is doing well, she is eating - with lots of encouragement and sometimes still some firmness required, gaining consistently but not yet WR, functioning well at school, interacting with family and friends, managing planned outings but on a fixed schedule as she gets stressed about meals and snacks and sticking to the timings thereof.  So, outwardly managing to tick most of the boxes of what I am hoping is a firm progression of stage 1. 

In the beginning of this illness her reactions to food were so severe, and that gave us a window into what was going on in her mind, the berating of herself for eating, the terrible names her ED had labelled her with, it was all very visual and terrible to watch and listen to. But now, months down the line its almost as if she has managed to squash it into a box somewhere, or maybe drown it out with busyness -  and refuses to speak about it. If ask her about how she is feeling in the context of food or in her self, she will change the subject, if I persist she says she doesn't want to talk about it as it ruins her day. I know its still there, but this new quieter version is disconcerting and less easy to get a gauge on... 

Someone once said that you do not want this disease to go underground as it will get harder to find and will keep rearing up when you think all is well - is this her ED going underground?? Or is this progress?? For now I feel like she is focusing on school, friends, activities, anything really, in order to not have to think about what is still a very real and life dictating issue for her - BUT, she is wanting to connect to life again.  Advice please? xx


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Jamie Oliver weekend newspapers -groan!!Open in a New Window

I see Jamie Oliver is all over the weekend press in the U.K. denouncing cake and bake sales as sending the wrong message. Another example of demonising certain food types. I understand the need to promote healthy eating, but implying these types of food are bad is just wrong!!! Infuriating when you have a 15 year old recovering from anorexia and a 10 year old who may be vulnerable to it!!! Is it just me? Childhood obesity may be on the rise but so are eds and I would wager they have a far more devastating impact on sufferers and their families . Rant over.


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Sad, sad, sadOpen in a New Window

I've not posted for a while but been keeping up with everyone.
D remains as an IP  (since Sept 2016) with the discharge date now looking likely to be mid Dec.
She should have started College in Sept 2016 but this was deferred for a year.
We are lucky in that her unit is about 50 miles from the college and 40 miles from home.
Soooo...her team and D wanted  to try college - as did we. It was a real motivator for her. Discussions and Meetings were had with the college in June this year and her needs were highlighted. They were told of her SH, danger of purging and needing supervision. They seemed ok with it.
To be honest at that point we all  thought d would be discharged by end of Sept /mid Oct. She was doing well.

Then the ED thoughts increased, SH, purging - everything. She was 90% WR at this point and I have told them and told them she is at least 7kg too light. She has also grown a couple of cm.
Because it took her from Aug 2016 to March this year to move to solids they have been reluctant to scare her with too big a target.
She also remains sectioned. Discharge would be on the basis of a CTO.

She is managing to attend college 1-2 days a week. This involves either me or my husband collecting her in the morning, dropping her off at college and taking her back to the unit after her evening meal at home.
She should be on a full lunch now at college but remains on an agreed (with the unit) half a sandwich until next week when they will push for more. She is supervised during and after. Early on she would not eat at all so this is progress. If she doesn't eat then she doesn't go the next day.
Mealtimes with us remain difficult - an hour with smearing food, cutting it up etc. If we did not tell her to eat she wouldn't. I despair.
The college are now questioning whether she should be in at all and that they didn't realise her complex needs when she was accepted.(I think they spotted the fresh headbanging scars and her arms were bandaged) If this happens she will be devastated. However I don't believe she will be devastated enough to use it to fight it.
She is 18 next May and I am scared. I feel as if her unit has given up on her. I have asked about fear foods (pasta was her favourite and they're allowing her not to have it). She remains as entrenched as ever.
I'm not sure what questions I'm asking of you guys - it's more just a hopeless rant. I just feel so, so sad that she is in danger of losing her place in college - I fear her reaction to this.


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Sigh - threatening to sign out... againOpen in a New Window

My D has been in residential since end of Sept. She's been progressing, getting more freedoms as she continues to work through the program. She's been compliant, made friends, and while she misses us, she was doing ok. 

With freedom came opportunities to use ED behaviors which she did. She admitted it to us and felt miserable about it, the center caught on independently, and her therapist suggested going back to the most restricted level for a few days to get more support. She agreed reluctantly, and is now feeling betrayed by her team because they decided to keep her on the strict wing over the weekend without letting her have a say. Ha- giving an eating disorder patient a say in their level of care?? Goodness.

She has promised she will sign out AMA tomorrow. There's a 72 hour hold there, so she'll be free on Monday. She has a few hundred dollars in her checking account - that's all.

She's asked if she can come home if she leaves. We've said no - not until after treatment.
She's asked if she can stay with her aunt, my H's sister, if she leaves early. I've said not likely. 
She's asked me to transfer money so she can get an apartment. I've said no, I can't. 

She is texting me now saying she'll figure it out and call the bank, and she never wants to see us again. That she won't live with ultimatums. Etc. Etc. 

I know we are doing the right thing, but it's really scary. This will be the third or fourth time she's threatened AMA. And honestly, after having some distance from her, I'm ready to let her do it and let the chips fall where they may.   We just can't do it anymore. 

We've been supportive, validating, encouraging. We've really tried to be the opposite of the ED voice. I guess I'm not looking for advice but just sad tonight and feeling hopeless in the fight against this disease.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Help...she's sick with the flu.Open in a New Window

My daughter lost a pound last week.  No explanation.  And for the last three days she has had a fever, sore throat, body aches, difficulty breathing.  How the heck am I supposed to get her to eat?  What is fair?  I'm trying not to panic


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


What's next from Weight Restoration, carry on regardless or change the meal plan?Open in a New Window

Hi ATDT parents.  I have been trying to get an idea of what normal weight gain is per year for an "average" (is there such a thing!) growing girl... Basically, once a child is WR properly - what should the expectation be? I have read anything from 2kg to 10kg a year, especially between ages 11 and 14.  My D is currently on the 3 meals, 3 snacks and 2 smoothies plan and is on average gaining 1/2 kg per week, a few plateaus here and there but its always caught up and we move upwards. Initially I think her metabolism kicked into high gear and the gains where tough to get but this has stabilized now. 

At some point after WR should the meals and snacks be adjusted to more of a "maintenance" rather than active weight gain diet so that we can hopefully find her ideal state? I do not see ourselves changing the structure of the 3 meals, 3 snacks for a long, long time to come however the content of them I am not so sure about. I will admit I would be scared to ease up on the calories but logic says I might have to at some point - BUT, she is a growing girl.  This is a question that I know her team (and family members...) have different views on, so i am hoping this forum will have the gold standard answer and I can have some real life, evidence based info to go on xx 


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


New and worriedOpen in a New Window

Hello everyone, 

I have scoured these forums many times over the past several years since my youngest daughter was diagnosed with restrictive AN at age 14 back in 2010. My heart goes out to all of you. EDs really are such devastating illnesses. 

I am here seeking some advise and support regarding our current situation. My daughter is now 21 and as of a couple of months ago living abroad in the US (we are in England, UK) for a year as part of her university degree. 

She was in treatment from age 14-18 with CAMHS, including three hospital admissions. This year she had a bad relapse during her second year at university and had to come home at Easter time and start at a day program whilst living back home with us. She managed to pass her second year somehow and worked incredibly hard with recovery over summer. 

However, since being in America, she has been struggling. I am glad that she is being so honest with me and having daily skype calls, but I am so worried for her. She always dreamed of a life in America and part of the pull for the particular university she attends was the opportunity for a placement in the US. But even she knows that her experience right now is being significantly negatively impacted by her anorexia. I spoke to her last week and suggested she come home. I know that she is incredibly concerned about the large sum of money that would be lost (she is tied into paying $800 rent for the year, plus she currently receives student finance and tuition fees which I admit I am uncertain what would happen with those) and even more so she doesn't want to let myself or her Dad down. 

I have of course stressed to her that there is a solution for everything. However, her constant fluctuating mood makes it difficult. I have every faith in her that she can recover from this illness, and I desperately want her to experience an amazing year in America. Her housemates all sound brilliant and she herself has said that she finally feels she has friends, who she fears she would drift from if she were to come home. 
She has said she has managed to stop some behaviours already, and does want to give recovery away from us another shot. I admit I have not spoken with my partner (her Dad) about her struggling. He was very much adamant she should not go on this placement - for good reason given her track record with relapsing at university in both years 1 and 2, and she never has fully recovered from this illness. 
I do not want to speak with him until I know for sure what to put forward to my D. He is incredibly passionate about D and would be on a flight to the States in a second if he thought for one moment that she was not ok. 

I do not know her weight, but I am going to guess around BMI 15. I want her to be well more than anything. Should I insist she come home? Does anyone have experience with this? 

She tells me she knows of people from online recovery communities who have been in recovery whilst studying abroad and who have managed - how long do I give her to turn things around?

It feels much harder now that she is technically an adult. I know she desperately wants to live her life to the full. But she has been ill for so long now.

Any help would be very appreciated!

From a worried mum x


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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Thanks Google!Open in a New Window

Looks like googlemaps was trying out a new feature which would let people know who many calories they would use by walking to their destination...luckily it has been taken down when it was pointed out that it could be triggering for people with eating disorders. Here is the article about it:



'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


My 18y old D, moving from CAMHS to Adult Services- what should I hope/ look for?Open in a New Window

My daughter was diagnosed with restrictive anorexia in 2013 so she has been ill for almost 5 years. She has suffered so much but worked hard to try and recover. She has had up to 30% weight loss, overexercising, severe anorexic thoughts and behaviours. She was out of school for 9 months. We have been in CAMHS for over 4 years and have had variable support including FBT, and CBT-E. The CBT-E was January to June 2017 and seemed to be partially successful, she gained weight and insight. However it was limited to 30 sessions- I think because of her 18th birthday.
The transition to adult services has been poor- she has effectively had no therapeutic input from June to date. I have felt disempowered by the CBT-E as my D was encouraged to take responsibility. She is currently around 90% weight restored but has serious anorexic thinking and behaviours. She does not eat with the family, she eats secretly mainly vegetables and fruit. She is losing weight at the moment- probably 3kg in 4 weeks but seems to have stabilised- but we dont know.
My husband and I are exhausted, our other children must be suffering.
Next week we have a big "transition meeting"- CPA- care planning meeting. What should I be asking/ hoping for? For some years I trusted CAMHS but over the past year I have lost trust and become more assertive. My first hope is that my daughter will engage- she has had long periods of not engaging. I have tied something that she likes a lot to attending appointments and this has worked recently. I will request weekly meetings (monthly ones have been suggested which I think is not appropriate). Shall I ask to attend the last 10 minutes of each appointment? Shall I ask for more CBT-E? All advice appreciated.


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Help for wifeOpen in a New Window


I was hoping someone would be able to help me, or point me in the right direction...

My wife is 32 years old, and has been ill on and off since she was 17. She's been really ill for the last six years. We are located in BC Canada, and there isn't many options available to her for treatment. She has been to the only inpatient program in the province four times already, but they do not practice any evidence based treatment, and the treatment has been unsuccessful. We were denied inpatient treatment in other provinces, and we cannot afford private treatment in the US. Outpatient treatment is our only option along with brief medical stabilization in hospital when necessary. However, we are having an extremely hard time with the outpatient team, especially her GP because there is little knowledge about eds.

My wife has a BMI of around 16.0, and she's currently restricting to around 800 calories per day, which is up from the 450 she was eating two months ago. She hasn't eaten above 1000 calories per day for probably two years. She also b/ps 1-2x per week. My wife is scared and feeling quite hopeless. She wants to get better, and while she acknowledges she is sick and needs help, she's often in denial on how serious the problem is. She sees her therapist weekly, her GP weekly, and the dietician 1-2x per month. However, what I need help with is providing evidence to her doctor and team about the medical management side of her care. Even though my wife sees the GP weekly, he never checks her vitals, let alone orthostatic vitals. He's probably only taken her b/p five times in the last several years. Even when she's in the hospital her vitals are never taken seriously, and the nurses chalk it to "her normal," so her bp of 82/40 goes untreated. He scoffs at frequent blood work because at this point it's mostly "normal" and feels it's a waste of money, and she's choosing to do this to herself. She rarely gets ecgs either. My wife and I have very little confidence in their ability to keep her medically safe, and she's scared. Her therapist is great, but she has little pull in the treatment team. She's listened to our concerns, and wants to push for proper medical monitoring, but she wants evidence to back her up so she is taken seriously by the others on the team. So, can someone help me find this evidence. How frequently she should be seeing the doctor? How often should her vitals be checked? Why they need to be checked frequently, and the proper way to check them. The same thing with blood work... how often and why? Are there any other articles that I should share with them?

We don't have the option of changing doctors or treatment teams. In this province you are considered lucky to even have a family doctor because they are limited and in high demand. I'm only one person, and I have to work full time. My wife has never been able to work, and she's taking care of our kids during the day (11 and 9 years old). She has lots of family in town, but they have all abandoned her and blame her for doing this to herself. She talks to her parents still, but not about ed because they blame her as well despite us giving them articles and books to read that prove otherwise. We are lost, and at the very least we'd like to ensure she was kept a little safer. If you could help, it would be greatly appreciated.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Disheartened mom of Anorexic D in danger of going rogue.Open in a New Window

We are 5 months into this process (D age 12 with Anorexia) and as much as I try to stay positive and on point with everything this illness can throw at you (literally and figuratively!) I am feeling disheartened and mostly because of what I am doing / believing vs what doctors and therapists are saying...

Today I was told that I need to challenge my belief that my daughter will recover 100%.

Last week I was told that my D's weight is "fine" (on about 20th percentile for a previously 50th percentile child) and that added weight gain wont do anything to change her thought processes around food. 

The week before I was told that "my D only eats because I make her and if I stop feeding her she will just restrict again." Really, wow.  This same Dr told me not to "believe the hype in all the forums"  when I spoke to her about WR.

I feel like the lone wolf right now, the pack that are supposed to have my back has turned and I realize I am in danger of being branded as "that mother".  
I am not an expert.  I am a mom, I am led by my instincts, and what I honestly feel is the absolute best choice, treatment, nutrition for her guided by the latest most up-to-date research I can get my layman's hands on - I have no choice in doing this, its a mother's true North, doing the best she can for her kids, right? 
 Why would a therapist want to put a ceiling on recovery?  Or even voice that?  I have read a lot about the placebo effect and and that belief can change thoughts - but you have to have that belief.  Maybe she thought I needed a reality check.  But of who's reality.  

I accept everyone's recovery and journey is different, some, indeed, may not fully recover but many, many do... I want that for my child too. 

Sorry such a ramble / rant of a post, but Im feeling really down about all of this, especially when I can see the change for the good in my D with every extra kg gained and its all but not acknowledged as having anything to do with her recovery.  Bleak mom day, Mary Poppins again tomorrow xx


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Gained 2.5 kilos a week and criticized for itOpen in a New Window

My d. had lost nearly 2 kg the previous week. And there was no panic in the room. This week she increased her snacks and food intake and all the talk was about binge eating. Only once she ate 3 penguin bars and was warned by my husband to slow down (that made me furious as well). I'm at a loss. She felt bad about the weight gain. And I had a go at them for making her feel like crap. She is desperate to be done with the Camhs team and so am I at this point.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Relapse after holidayOpen in a New Window

Our daughter went from 50kg to 62kg. Was eating all meals then we went on a holiday and she ate everything and more. We arrived home on Thursday and since then has not eaten a single mouthful - 72 hours without eating (although is drinking a glass of water each meal).

What can we do - we are mortified and mystified? Can someone help please.


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Canada , Ontario , GTA - Any credible ED clinics ?Open in a New Window


We live in Vaughan,  my wife and I did research all day and came with the ED clinics at Sick Kids and   North York General Hospital.  It appears as if waiting time for an appointment may take weeks or even months! (someone told me it can take up to 10 months).

On Monday we have a second appointment with our family doctor.  Last time we saw her, with our son,  He led her to believe this is nothing wrong.  This time we will not be leaving her office without a referral.  

Once we have this referral what are our options?  is there a private clinic?    or at the very least can we do a consultation in a hospital clinic so we can start working at home? 

We can't afford to wait months. We are deeply concerned it might be too late.




'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

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