There is so much about this disorder that is stunningly silent. No fundraisers at school. No badges for survivors, no charity benefits, no postage stamps. So when suffering in silence, a "hang in there," sometimes posted overnight by someone across the globe, across the prairie, or across the interstate who understands and means it is priceless..........That's the power of this forum.

- Amoma from the thread I need to say this...

I have no idea what we would have done without all of the help and information I have gotten from this forum.

I can tell you what life would be like....  My daughter would be relapsing in an apartment, living alone, next to an eating disorder facility and we would not have clue which way to turn.

I am sososososososo grateful that we have a solid backup plan courtesy of you all.

Now that we have all the failed treatment attempts out of the way for the first time I feel real hope that our daughter can recover and that this resource is here when we will have the inevitable questions, trials, and tribulations.

My hope (besides my daughter getting better) is that one day I can return the favor.

Thanks everyone, from the bottom of my heart! - jangled

Read more Praise for F.E.A.S.T.

Yesterday D acknowledged how adding 6-7 kg. in the last year has made a big difference in her thinking.   No ED behaviors now.   As she opened her favorite girl scout cookie box, she said "last year I feared eating these".   We are doing well, and I think this is what "normal" life is...wow!
- nevergiveup from the thread Daily-victories-continued

From the Around the Dinner Table Hall of Fame:

"ED takes everything you do and distorts it.

Mom feeds me = Mom hates me
Mom says she loves me = Mom is trying to manipulate me
Mom is calm and confident = Mom is numb and has no feelings for me in my distress
Mom is upset and crying = Mom is emotionally unstable
Mom is seeing a therapist/on medication = Mom is the one with the problem, not me
Mom leaves love notes and little gifts = Mom is trying to buy my cooperation
Mom praises or encourages me = Mom wants me to get fat and is taking a sadistic pleasure in it
Mom compliments me = Mom is a liar
Mom loses her temper = Now I know how she really feels about me
Mom is feeding me again = Mom is evil!

Sometimes you just can't win. And you'll NEVER win an argument with ED. ED's logic is not rational. However, I am rational, and I love my d and I'm going to keep showing her (so much harder in real life!). Since we can't control their reaction, all we can do is behave the way we think is right." - Colleen

The key thing I don't want is for her to feel any shame around not being able to fight ed urges.  I don't want her to feel that her inability to over ride the urge is a failure on her part.  I don't mind if she sees it as something other than herself.  I don't think that is a problem.

I do think it is problematic if our kids begin to associate their inability to fight an urge with a sense of shame.  I guess we want them to resist the thoughts but not feel bad if they can't.  We want them to actively try to and part of that is externalizing them and realizing there is something to resist in the first part ....but, to recognize that the nature of the disease is that they may not be able to and that is not a failure on their part.  It is simply how this thing works and there is no shame. -anotherbite

Read more about Parenting During Recovery

[A certain] book, loaned to me by a well-meaning friend, was the first thing I read about EDs when I realized my d was anorexic. I've heard [the author] speak and read other books by her that I have benefited from.

So, I thought this book would be similarly helpful. I actually thought that my d and I could read it together and that by going through it, I could "talk" her out of her anorexia. D was receptive and seemed to respond to the book, but nothing in her behavior changed. So we started to read through it again.

This time through, d was not receptive and her attitude was poor. I gave up on the book. It was obvious that nothing was getting through to her. No logic or pleading made any difference. It wasn't until I discovered FEAST two months later that I began to see anorexia as a brain disorder and that the only way to recovery was through full nutrition. Talk is useless!  -jules

See FEAST's Book Reviews by Parents page.

The reason why FBT works with families is that this blaming stops and the focus is to get our children fully nourished and weight restored.

Later on, when they are thinking more clearly, they can get other help if needed for comorbid disorders.  

But taking this blaming out makes life much simpler - to focus on the task at hand which is getting them fully nourished so their brain can heal.

FBT strengthens families - it doesn't tear them apart and make everyone feel guilt, remorse, anger, and fear.

It brings hope and empowerment to families for their ability to help their child recover.

Is it easy?  Not in the beginning, but once you get through,  it is well worth it.

-wenlow from the thread Am I crazy-therapy....

I wish someone had told me that there is hope.  Until I found ATDT, I was under the impression that we would be living in this hell for at least 5 years.  

I wish someone had told me that I couldn't change the past but that I could shape the future.  

I wish someone had a time machine that could show me my daughter recovering, so I could hang on to that vision in the worst times.  

I wish I knew what anosognosia was before I wasted tears on trying to get d to "see" that she was ill.  

I wish I had found F.E.A.S.T. 5 months earlier. - charlotte

Read more about Anosognosia  and Defining Recovery

I am a happy mom tonight.  D gained another 3+ pounds in the last week. She is just three pounds away from her healthy twin sister's weight! We've been able to do more in one month of FBT and magic plate than in 8 months of conventional treatment. I have gained a tremendous sense of confidence and empowerment...this is working!

- mercedes from the Daily Victories thread

I went for a walk earlier today and came home and my d met me at the door with an "I'm hungry, what's for lunch?".   I'M HUNGRY....yep, that is what she said.... 'I'M HUNGRY'. 

I remember when I first came on the boards a parent wrote about hearing that from their child and I though 'no way'...not that I doubted they heard it just that my brain could not fathom ever hearing that from my d again. She was so deep in it at the time I couldn't imagine ever feeding her back to a point where she recognized and articulated hunger cues like it was no big deal, like a typical 11 year old.  I am embarrassed to say that I am tearing up a bit writing this.

I feel so luck we had access to the treatment model we did and the support...I feel so angry on behalf of the parents who are receiving inadequate (or worse, damaging) treatment and/or no support. 

Keep going everyone.  Keep sharing those victories.

-anotherbite from the Daily Victories thread