What a lot of us have found though is NO amount of praise or reassurance really gets through when our children are really unwell - the eating disorder will twist words around and distort what you may be trying get across.
I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it is best in the early stages of recovery to just listen but not try to get too caught up with discussions, especially about food or appearances. When she gets distressed about her hair, just listen, let her know she has your support.
Keep up the food, knowing yourself that full nutrition will bring back a healthy body and repair the brain.
-Stubbornmum from the thread New-from-Melbourne-Aust
In my daughter's 10 months of hospitalization I trooped in and out every day. She wasn't always happy to see me, but after a while she got the idea that I was coming because I loved her. (She still can't see why I do). Other family members were less welcomed, but they also came with the "I know you asked me not to come but I wanted to see you".
It is really important that we push through and remember it is ED who is pushing us away, not our children. If ED makes you feel bad then he is winning. Our children need to know that we will love them no matter what.
- foodsupport from the thread To-visit-or-not-to-visit-that's-the-question...
I've got to say: I am so thankful to all the parents who are years ahead and keep posting on this forum. We are still in the thick of it (2 months w/r) and it is difficult to have any perspective. It is difficult not to question the pace and to wonder how/if more independence will happen. That you all are still here sharing your stories is truly wonderful and generous. It helps me so much. thank you thank you thank you. - anotherbite
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Thanks for your support -- I needed it. ED was indeed tame the rest of the day. D ate the rest of her meals and snacks without incident.
The hardest part is not the raging, because I can harden myself to that. It's when she pleads in a heartbroken way not to have to eat...it's so awful to hear your little girl so distraught. This morning when that happened I made myself visualize a whining weasel inside her that could not be trusted and would leap to my face and scratch my eyes if I gave in it all. Weird image but it kept me strong.
Tonight my D apologized for this morning and I told her I loved her and knew it wasn't her, and that we were definitely going to beat this thing. I said it with confidence and meant it.
-mercedes from the thread didnt-back-down
I remember this phase, my d actually ran away from school after I dropped her off rather than be seen looking "fat" in her clothes a couple of times. She was concerned that people would think she was a "failed anorexic" which would be devastating to her--that's what she felt like too.
It's very difficult even if it doesn't make any sense....she says now that she was absolutely convinced of these things, even if they made no sense; she thought that improbable situations still applied to her somehow and it terrified her. And it made her very nervous to listen to anyone else's opinion as they just didn't understand that there were different rules of nature that applied to her.
- neverloseheart from the thread Advice from T re: clothes/body stuff - feedback please
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