A mother describes how her family learned to trust parent intuition

One of my good friends worked with Pete for many years.  Pete was a 5th-grade teacher at a local school.  You know this guy:  warm, nurturing, loving, insightful.  Loved by parents, students, staff.  He was the kind of teacher that parents requested in writing for their children.  His class was always full--in demand.  Students came back to visit him even when they were in high school.  That kind of teacher.  Memorable.  Wonderful.  Effective.

And he was responsible.  He was the substitute principal--trusted with the responsibility of administrating the school when the principal had to take a leave of absence.  And he did that job well too.

He was just a great, all-round guy.  You'd love him, and like everyone else, you would say, "This guy's got it all together."

But not his dad.  His dad sensed that something was wrong with his son, and four months ago, suggested that he seek psychiatric treatment.

Pete blew his top.  He fought angrily with his father, stormed out and broke off their previously close relationship.  Never called, wouldn't return his dad's calls.

Pete was 41 and independent.  His dad didn't have any leverage other than love and concern, and no real evidence except his gut feeling that something was off in his son.

A month ago, Pete called his dad.  He said, "Dad, I think you were right," and hung up.  Three days later he shot himself.

NO ONE saw that coming...except his dad.  It has been devastating to the entire community.

I tell this story because as parents, we know our children and we can see things that others can't.  Pete's dad saw what no one else ever suspected.  We hold a special insight into our children's minds.  Sometimes it feels safer to trust other opinions--our professionals, kids' teachers, the other people in our children's lives--especially when a disease like ED causes us to doubt ourselves and our parenting.  And when our actions cause so much anguish for our children.  My husband for one likes to collect as many outside opinions as possible before making a decision, but many times others are just not seeing (or able to see) what we can see.  We have to trust our eyes and our instincts.  This powerful story helps give my husband the confidence to move forward when the rest of the world says "She's fine," and we know she's not.

And I hope that this story empowers all parents to heed that inner voice they hear...the one that tells them to ACT.  To feed their child.  To get them into therapy, the doctor's office, the ER.  To use whatever leverage we have, and to use it while we still can.  We need to trust our gut feelings about our children...that 'small still voice' within.

Mom in the Pacific Northwest, US