Print Page   |   Contact Us   |   Sign In   |   Join Us
Community Search
Around the Dinner Table Forum Recent Threads

Advice on a topic at schoolOpen in a New Window

Hi I think I know what the answer is but thought I would check in and ask you all.

D 12 AN now Wr and then some and doing great. Participates in gym and all the teachers and principal know her issues. She does NOT exercise at all outside of gym (hurray!!) and the teacher always asks permission if it will be a difficult topic ie running- she was not allowed to do that. 

Now the gym teacher is going to be talking about body image issues!!! How on the media they make fake people with photoshop etc. I think the goal is to make the kids understand that what they see on social media and TV etc. is not real of normal. 

I am thinking she will sit out of that topic as she did for strenuous activities and "nutrition"- OH I hate that they do that! 

She is doing great overall no body image issues, buying bigger clothes on her own and not worried about it. 

I know I cannot keep her from all the "talk" but ....
Thanks for listening.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Is my D in starvation mode?Open in a New Window


I posted some time ago (Sept 2017), just before my d14 ended up in hospital for 9 days, due to compulsive exercise and starving herself. It's been a real whirlwind journey since then. I have followed this amazing forum and the extremely caring conversations and responses. it's been very emotional too and have not been able to get the courage to reach out. I have also been trying to educate myself and find sound help. We do struggle with the CAMHS service here. Our GP is our only current advocate, although I do have a nutritionist coming on board and a consultant (but it's mhs and it's a waiting game).

My d14 was doing really well, she was maintaining her 52.2kg weight with 1400calories. 6 months later she is on around 1000 - 1050 calories a day and at a weight of 44.5 - 44.7, which is too low, I know this. It's a real struggle though. She is 5'8".

I recent weeks and especially days D has been feeling light headed, dizzy and very unwell with nausea (acid reflux) , I also understand this is due to a lack oxygen in her body/brain etc...

My question is.... her weight went from 44.7 to 44.9 and today 45.1, yet she decreased her calories over these days from 1040 to 1000, why is she gaining weight? It is too frightening her to the point that she really can't cope, the anger is very strong too.

Her bowel movements have been consistently, the same time everyday, but for the last couple days it's been hard to go and today, nothing. Am I right in thinking her metabolism is slowing down, therefore there could be water retention and constipation, which may appear as weight gain, but are of course temporary.... it seems like her body is trying every possible way to conserve energy and I fear she is in starvation mode.

Either way, she is clearly reducing her calories every day at the moment reacting, because she cannot cope with any jump in weight, if it would stay the same or go up very slowly, it would be so much better for her to deal with, but this is really beyond what she can cope with.

D has been allowed to weigh and prep meals on advice of GP and consultant (back in Sept 2017). I do supervise, but she does well with this and enjoys it.

Any advice welcome.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Will it get better?Open in a New Window


I know that I only come on here to moan or seek help, but I am really desperate. We are still waiting for a bed ( one fell through and there are no more at the moment) and things are getting out of control. I can’t seem get a hold on the ED anymore it is too strong. She is medically stable now so A&E is not an option. I am so tired and beaten down by constant insults and I don’t know how much longer I can keep going.



'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


I’m not sure my dd has an eating disorderOpen in a New Window

It was just suggested to me today that my 11 yo dd has an eating disorder.

Beginning last August, dd started complaining that her food wasn’t tasting right. After a month of this, we saw our primary dr. She said dd had a lot of drainage from allergies and that that would effect taste, so she prescribed an allergy med. A few months go by and it’s not improving but getting worse. So dr refers us to ent. Ent says her nasal passages and mouth are extremely dry and that’s the cause of food tasting differently and tells me dd needs to come off allergy med. Call pcp, and she refers us to a GI.

In August, she weighed 88 pounds. She now weighs 79 pounds. There was a long wait list to see a gi. In all that time, what she will eat becomes more limited. Basically she’s living off of chips, crackers, kix cereal, and grapes. She gets hungry, tries to eat, but nothing tastes right. She says the food doesn’t taste right because it doesn’t taste cooked. All of her favorites. And even though she wants to eat it, she’ll try it, but then starts gagging.

We finally saw the Gi today. First thing out of his mouth was that she has an eating disorder. I assure him she doesn’t. I tell him she has no issues with her body. That she’s not not eating because she’s trying to lose weight or because she thinks she’s fat. Dr then tells me it does no good for me to be in denial and it will only do more harm for me to refuse to face the fact that she has an eating disorder. So I tell him, fine, if she has an eating disorder, what do we do. He referred us to the only local place (an hour and a half away) that treats children with eating disorders. But he did go ahead and do labs to check for celiac, food allergies, and thyroid panel.

If she has an eating disorder, I do want to face it. I just don’t know that she has one. And I don’t even know who to see for her to be evaluated for one.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


My daughter is being discharged from the day program and I am feeling lost!Open in a New Window

Hi! I'm Jennifereden and my twelve year old daughter is "stepping down" from her day program. Her journey started under weekly medical care, than to a day program and than, a 24/7 program. She returned to the day program and having achieved one pound above her goal weight, they are discharging her next Friday. She did her first day back at her school today and will do two more next week. The following week is spring break. Following that, she will be back at school. I play on going back to the Maudsley trained therapist but, have been given no information on how to wean down her caloric intake and when to do so. We live on Long Island in New York.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


US mothers of daughters with eating disorders wanted for an online research surveyOpen in a New Window

Posted by request of the researchers:

The Experiences of Mothers of Daughters in Treatment for an Eating Disorder

We are looking for mothers of all ages to complete an online study examining the unique experiences of caring for a daughter who is in treatment for an eating disorder. To be eligible for the study, participants must have a daughter between the ages of 12 and 22 who is living at home and is currently receiving outpatient or intensive-outpatient (IOP) treatment for Anorexia or Bulimia.


Participation in this study is confidential. You can complete the survey online from most devices (computer, tablet, phone, laptop). It will take about 30 minutes to complete the study.


Please go to to complete the survey confidentially.


For more information about this study, please send an email to


*All participants who meet the requirements for the study and complete the online survey will be eligible to participate in an optional raffle for a $30 visa gift card. Approximately 1 out of every 20 participants will win*



'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


New Here - Struggling with next stepsOpen in a New Window


I am brand new here.  I just found you yesterday.  I am writing for any support, guidance, advice that there might be out there.  So far in my searches, I haven’t been able to find anything that quite fits.  I am beginning to understand that each ED is unique.  I am a dad to an 18yo D that has ED.  We began to notice a serious change in her after she came home from her first quarter in college.  While we tried to make some adjustments at home during her break, we didn’t recognize this for what it was.  She returned to college and her physical well-being deteriorated rapidly.  We visited her and decided to pull her out of school and bring her home.  Her pediatrician recommended hospitalization.  We were somehow able to convince her to go and she spent two weeks there.  The doctors there recommended PHP and she started there a few days after being discharged to home.  I now realize that was a mistake and she should have gone directly to her next phase of treatment.  She spent three miserable days in PHP where she withdrew herself.  Being 18, she is fully aware of her rights and no amount of encouragement could keep her there.  We were able to encourage her to try another PHP which she has now withdrawn herself from after 2 days of treatment. 

Here is where I am stuck and desperate.  I am new to this.  I am really just beginning to understand what I am dealing with over the course of the last month since the first day in the hospital.  She is refusing PHP treatment.  She is refusing residential treatment.  She is refusing to let her mom and I prepare her meals or even plate at home.  She is restricting at every meal.  She says she wants to get better and I believe her.  We don’t have another appointment for over 3 weeks.  I don’t know what to do from here.  She is regressing and I am fearful about continuing the way that we are going. 

Apologies for the long post.  Thank you for reading through it and for all the great resources that you all provide.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Roller coasters aren't fun anymoreOpen in a New Window

I honestly don't know where to begin. I've spent the last week reading through the posts here, contemplating how I can even start to explain myself. My family and I are officially one week in from diagnoses of AD for my 16yo D. (forgive me, I am still learning the abbreviations and acronyms). She began PHP on Monday of this week, so 4 days in of official treatment. People say we "caught" this "early". Though I am not really sure of the definition of early is... one day is to long for me.

I am shocked and overwhelmed. I cried in the middle of the grocery store when purchasing cottage cheese as an overhaul of my pantry and fridge for the at home feedings. I don't know why. It feels like I have one foot in keeping it together, and one foot in quicksand. The first day my D seemed to be motivated to get started, but since then she is ramping up on the anger. Which really really shocked me - it seemed to be the counter response I was looking for, but her care group explained this is normal as the ED screams for continued control. My spouse and I can't do anything right. We externalize the ED and she gets mad. We quietly celebrate little wins and she gets mad. We move about our normal responsibilities, and she gets mad. We sit with her and yep... gets mad. But sometimes she hugs us. Sometimes she says I love you. Sometimes she sings. Its like the worst roller coaster I have ever been on in my life.

We had our first experience of group therapy with the other families in the program last night. It helped immensely, but saddening at the same time because as a parent you want to just fix it and fix it now. I know this probably isn't the best first post for someone. I am rambling at best. I just sometimes feel like I am completely consumed with this every second of the day and needed to get it off my chest.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Second guessing everythingOpen in a New Window

From the moment i became a mom (to three boys) i have always trusted my instinct. I know when something is happening, good or bad, and i have felt deeply connected to my children. Until now, that is. I just don’t know what i am doing anymore. I don’t recognize myself, let alone my son. I am paralyzed with fear of doing this wrong and making things worse.

My son is 15 1/2 and was just diagnosed with Anorexia - binge purge type. We started FBT immediately and have been re-feeding for two weeks. The first week he gained three pounds (later learned he water loaded) and then yesterday at his second weigh in, he’d lost it all and admitted to throwing away his lunch at school and secretly exercising. The team suggested, without hesitation, that we put him in a residential treatment facility. (Veritas or Denver ERC.) They said he is not progressing and his “thoughts about food and exercise are too rigid and strong.” I don’t know what to do. His father and i are divorced but have been 100% committed to doing FBT in both of our homes. I did all the research, empowered myself as his caregiver, worked through the initial fear and hesitation, and now this? I cannot imagine sending him someplace to get treatment, which is wholly ironic, because just two weeks ago, i couldn’t imagine being the person responsible for his treatment. If anyone has a similar experience, I’d love to hear about it. Did you refuse residential treatment? Did you send your child and then do FBT when he/she came home? How did you know you were making the right choice? I’d also really like to connect with other boy moms. The lack of resources for boys is stunning and scary. They are falling through the cracks...

Thank you.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Gold star momentsOpen in a New Window

Hi all,
I have been reading around the forum and found myself looking at very old posts.
I came across one started by Laura Collins L-M I think from 2011. It discussed the day's victories- it had over 1700 responses!! It was so inspirational. Those in the mines sloggin' away sharing the really special events that keep them (ie US) motivated to do the hardest job in the world- HERO PARENTING. 

I know it is hard to recall, in the moment, that something really good happened. Like your child letting you hug them during the hard re-feeding, or a statement like "this is nice to eat".  I know that it is hard, painful work we do, everyday and the worries we hold all the time, and I would like to ask you all to post a "gold star"(remembering my elementary school days here) moment. 
There are none that are too "small" to mention. 

For me, It was only when I posted here and others replied, that I was able to see the improvements for my D. 

I hope that those who write on  this post will not only help others, but help themselves in the knowledge that what we do is so worth it and that there ARE amazing moments everyday that we can share.  



'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Intro - advice/support appreciatedOpen in a New Window

Hello, recently our 14-yr-old DD's friends told us that she's been cutting herself and also that she rarely eats her lunch at school. I don't know how long this has been going on but she has been increasingly moody over the last few months. She was usually eating well at home, with no signs of purging behavior, before this was brought to our attention - with the exception that she'd begun skipping breakfast at times.

My husband and I confronted her gently about all of this and she completely shut down (generally speaking, she always shuts down instead of talking about hard feelings.) She won't tell us anything but she didn't deny it. She said she'd talk to a therapist.

Since then, she's been to her first therapy appointment (with someone who specializes in treating ED & self-harm.) I have the feeling that she completely B.S.'ed her way through the appointment. She skips breakfast more often now.

She still won't talk to us at all about the problem and periodically gives us the silent treatment. We used to be pretty close, and I feel like she's so distant now. It hurts.

I don't have a ED but my mother has struggled with AN and alcoholism for most of her life. I grew up watching my mother starve herself. I'm mortified that this same thing seems to be happening to my daughter. I'm trying my best to be calm and compassionate for my daughter but inside I'm a sad, anxious wreck. I feel like something is squeezing my heart.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm terrified that I'm just going to make things worse for her. And I feel sad for the hurt she is going through.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Help please as I don’t think I can do this againOpen in a New Window

I haven’t been here since 2016 I think. May be early 2017. I thought the beastvwascif not dead at least dormant. But it’s not.

My DD became anorexic in 2016.

We had a grim time with counsellors and am truly awful dietician who low point was setting a target that would keep her “nice and slim” and was cross when she gained weight too quickly.

With the help and guidance of this forum, we sacked thecdoetician and did fit at home. Gradually gaining weight, went to college and now university. But the slide began again.

And in the last month it is dramatic.

She is home for a scheduled break from uni. (Scotland so odd timings)

And is so thin. Looks so ill.

Wants to put on weight. But just had breakfast that was so small.

Drinking water and black tea with it.

I suggested a snack.


She won’t let us weigh her.

Won’t check her BP or pulse. (We have a meter as I had a problem with high BP for a while.

She hates me.

And I don’t have the strength to do it again.

The fall out for our other children was terrible last time. One ended up in counselling for ages.

And I don’t know what to do. I have no leverage. Other than not paying for uni costs.

I can’t encourage her to eat.

She was on the cusp of being better.

But just couldn’t get there.

I know I need to find the strength. But I don’t know how.

And if and when I do find strength then there is nothing I can do. She is an adult.

And as she comes home for all hols, I can’t protect my other children either.

You helped so much last time.

I am hoping for some words of wisdom this tome too.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Fears foods. How do I tackle them?Open in a New Window

My D was diagnosed in Jan 18 and we have been following FBT with help with local CHAMS. Slow progress with steady weight gain she's now 97% weight for height.

Although ED behaviours are reducing, I'm confused about tackling fear foods. D is reluctant to identify any specific foods that she finds difficult- tried to get a list together with her input.

Instead I have been noticing foods that triggers more reactions than others, and regularly giving her these. We are still in phase 1 of treatment, and mainly give her foods that she enjoyed and ate prior to RAN, hopefully that's been the right approach. Should we be trying to introduce completely new foods too?

Thanks in advance


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Maidenhead or Stafford ukOpen in a New Window


My D has been offered a bed in Maidenhead for Monday or can go on the waiting list for Stafford.

Has anyone had experience of either of these?



'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Anorexia - "secondary symptoms"Open in a New Window

My 16 yo daughter is having a relapse after a couple of years' remission. I asked about it here around a week ago, and want to thank Foodsupport AUS, Tina72 and scaredmum for their input. I am happy to report that after only 10 days, the weight is almost back to where we started - she has been eating very diligently, not always happily but without a fight. Needless to say, the plating and monitoring is going to continue for a looong time now.

However, I can tell that the beast is back also from the more subtle little (sorry: crazy) things she does - and how I wish I had seen them sooner. I have not caught her doing sit-ups or jump around in her room like when the disease was at its worst, but she is not wearing warm enough clothes when it's freezing, she sits on the very edge of her chair when studying, she takes cold showers. She's very keen on always following the same rituals during meals and other times like taking a shower, brushing her teeth etc. How should I approach these? Confront her or wait until they fade away with longer-term weight gain?


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

About Us

Home Page
Board of Directors
Professional Advisory Panel
Contact Us


Learning Center
Media Contact
Research Participants
Book Reviews


News Feed


Forum Rules
Forum Main Discussions
Hall of Fame



Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
Community Rules
YM Admin

Support Us

Memorial Gifts
Donate with Paypal
Volunteer Center
Employer Matches
Shop AmazonSmile 

F.E.A.S.T. (FAMILIES EMPOWERED AND SUPPORTING TREATMENT OF EATING DISORDERS) | US +1 855-50-FEAST | Canada +1 647-247-1339 | Australia +61 731886675 | UK +44 3308280031

F.E.A.S.T. is registered as a nonprofit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the United States Internal Revenue Code. Information on this site is meant to support, not replace, professional consultation. Unless otherwise noted, content is edited by F.E.A.S.T. volunteers with assistance from our Professional Advisory Panel.

  F.E.A.S.T. | P.O. Box 1281| Warrenton, VA 20188 USA