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Poems By Kaylie–She’s 12, And She’s Remarkable

Editor’s note: The poems below are all written by a 12 year old girl named Kaylie about battling her eating disorder. Kaylie lives in Florida, and her proud mom sent me these poems. I think that Kaylie does a remarkable job at describing the voice of the eating disorder and the internal struggles that she faces. She is wise way beyond her years. They are not easy reading, but I think that they offer perspective that is useful for parents.

Battle

I scream so loud but no one hears
It seems I cry but no one cares
I try so hard to fight the thoughts
But sometimes they become distraught
They scream and shout and grab at me
They hold me close and whisper dearly
They tell me all I think is wrong and replace it with a terrible song
They sing and dance in an entrancing way
They tell me not to eat, no, not today
They tell me I am a terrible person
They tell me I can only worsen
Any and every situation
All the loved ones for all duration
But I must fight and tell them no
I must march with the strength of more
More than the voices can handle
More than they can even think to wrangle
I must take the mighty sword of
All that life has in store
And lash out in a menacing way
Until the thoughts go away

Hugs

Embraced in arms that hold me tight
All I feel is warmth and light
A light that shines all the way through
My heart and all its broken screws
But each time I am embraced
A little click puts a screw in place
And slowly I am put back together
To the whole I was before the fella
That hurt and broke all of me
Fixing my life without E-D

Time 

Realizing how long it takes
To heal the body and the hate
To redefine why we live
To understand what we all need
To feed yourself only the truth
And the things you value too
To make the all pain go away
A long journey it will be
But over time the pain will ease
The hate and grief will come to peace
And you can move on with your life
Without ED and all its plights

A Mother’s Perspective 

Trying to look into your eyes
And figure out all the reasons why
I can’t understand but I will try
And never give up even when you make me cry
You are my baby
My sweet, sweet girl
I’ll always love you
For better or for worse
But I have a few questions
Just one or two
About a thing we know only leads to doom
Why does your eating disorder tell you not to eat
Is it the fear of shame or self defeat?
Why can’t you love yourself like I love you so
Do you feel regret or do you not know
How to feel confidence in all the things you do
Like feeding your elders or knitting a thing or two
I feel so much fear when I look in your eyes
And see a monster you seem to rely
I know it is hard but I know you can
Relinquish this fear and the pain at hand
You are smarter than you think
And stronger than you know
And your will power spans to lengths I will never know
You just have to learn to love yourself
And defeat the monster you hold close on a shelf

Understanding 

Though they try they can’t relate
They cannot make the thoughts dissipate
They say that they understand
But they don’t know the pain at hand
They say “It’s ok”
They say not to cry
But what is a song without a melody nearby
It is like a tune without the beat
Has taken your brain and tells you not to eat
But they don’t know and they may never will
Understand the trauma an E-D can instill

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13 Comments

  1. Sri O

    So deeply moved by these amazing writings. Be it ED or any other “disorder”, there is so much enlightenment in these words that offer others hope and understanding through what Kaylie is experiencing. Sending love and light to a such a beautiful young heart; the world needs you sweet one, and you have so much to offer to so many. Stay strong, keep fighting and keep writing.

  2. Lil Johnny K :)

    Wow amazing! I know this family, she is a brilliant young lady and her mom loves her dearly and protects her like a real momma bear. Very proud of you both.

  3. Kathy Miller

    Yes extremely inspiring for others to read.
    To know the ones with the eating disorders are not alone that others are battling and defeating the grip of ED.

  4. Jennifer Sumoski

    Kaylie- you are an inspiration! Keep up the great work! I am going to share this with my daughter who struggles with so much. I know your mom from our childhood and I know she is very proud of you. Keep your heart fill and Keep writing.

  5. Laurel

    Kaylie, you capture the internal battle with such clarity. It would be good to share your poems with your treatment team so that they can share them with sufferers from the outset. Your poems would have helped me to understand what my girl was experiencing in this disorder. She is four months in recovery now and the disorder lurks as you say ‘on the shelf’. Keep writing!

  6. Katie

    Wow Kaylie, I cried reading your poems, to write down how you feel in such a moving way is a gift. My daughter is 14 and I’ve shared them with her too, every word beautifully and painfully describes what we’re going through right now. Thank you.

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