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Sunshine

By: Kristy, a FEAST mom from Australia

On the first days of Sydney’s Covid lockdown 2021, my daughter and I stumbled in to the ER with what I felt terrified would be the start of a very challenging road. I was not wrong. My beautiful 11 year old daughter had purple hands, a wasting body and a dangerously low heart rate. The thought of anorexia had only just crossed my mind and we started connecting all the dots, with terrified realisation of what these symptoms could mean. We were not prepared for the feeding tube, the heart rate monitor, the screaming mess that had been my sweet girl, and the tedious and daily trauma of re-feeding.

Nine weeks on and we are still in lockdown, still silently fighting this horrid illness and knowing we are only just past base camp, on our climb to the top. As much as I hope her recovery will not be far off… I know the reality is that we have such a large mountain to climb.

Holding onto love and hope, I wrote the below piece late one night, when I was finally able to accept that this is all too real. It is happening.

Sunshine

 Each day was like the other,

blissful certain, so I thought

Til boulders knocked me over,

bigger, faster than I fought.

 

 Too loud, I can’t quite hear it,

pounding straight through my stunned heart,

Body shaking, not believing

Truth was tearing me apart.

 

She’s my strawb’ry, wavy baby,

now in pain and needing safety.

Pray she’ll grow into a lady.

Coz she’s sunshine… and she’s mine.

 

We’re waking, sleeping, dreaming,

Breathing, trusting, moving on.

Golden sunshine, fleeting, feeding

Mother’s love is never gone.

 

I hold you through the hard times,

Cop a beating here and there.

But I’ll do it every day now,

Because you’re someone I will share.

 

She’s my strawb’ry, wavy baby,

now in pain and needing safety

Pray she’ll grow into a lady

Coz she’s sunshine… and she’s mine.

 

Pray she’ll grow into a lady

Coz she’s sunshine… and she’s mine…

 

Prayers for all our babies. May they grow strong and always feel our love.

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4 Comments

  1. KAZ

    Firstly I want to say Im so sorry to hear your story and wish you and you d well

    It’s All so similar to many when we don’t realise what’s happening to our precious child and then BAM we do………

    The scarey uncertain future, will they ever recover ??

    Our worlds are turned upside down and inside out….,

    You have the luxury of your d being young and under your care for many years to come so I’m certain you will get through this and have your beautiful little ray of sunshine back

    The heading of this blog really caught my eye as I used to play a little music box of “you are my sunshine” to my d after I kissed her good night at bedtime, when she was young

    My d is 22 YO now
    The other night after a particularly bad day I was trying to calm her down and get her to breath slowly and deeply, (my d suffers from very bad depression) she then put on her relaxation playlist and after a few tracks the above song came on, well I had tears in my eyes
    I was so touched that this song is one she has on her list to calm her down

    Even after all the hell they go through and put us through (the horrible things they, or I should say: ED says to us) the love is still in them for us

    I Just thought I’d share
    By the way my d is now 22YO
    dx 17

  2. Martina

    Beautiful! May this poem be a constant reminder of your strength when you start questioning it.
    May it remind you to acknowledge how much of that mountain you already climbed.
    Your D is lucky to have such a support in you.

  3. Laurel

    Kristy- it gets better. The day you hear your wavy baby laugh, your heart will glow. She will laugh and her friends will come back into view and she will blossom and be amazing. All of that because of you and her too. Love wins!

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