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Around the Dinner Table Forum Recent Threads

Need evidence based research on binging, purging and full nutritionOpen in a New Window

Hi all,

Long time lurker here. I am so thankful for all I have learned about FBT and how much it has helped my family.

Now I am trying to help a friend with a sick D. She is underweight (17.5 BMI) and caught in a cycle of binging and purging.

My D has always been RAN so I do not have experience in this area.

My understanding from reading the forum is that full nutrition is the key to stopping the cycle. Is there evidence/studies that support that?

The family seems to believe that stopping the binge and purge behaviors should be first and foremost and weight restoration can come later. They are very scientifically minded so any links to studies would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Podcast: Dr. Lauren Muhlheim: FBT, Parents, and TeensOpen in a New Window

https://www.edcatalogue.com/episode-105-dr-lauren-muhlheim-fbt-parents-teens/

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Let's talk about the emotional issues...Open in a New Window

The refeeding stage in print seems very logical...get them to eat.
But what i'm concerned about as well is the emotions. Is it normal for them to have high anxiety about going anywhere or doing anything? Everytime we have an outing, I literally have to drag her out of the house. Sometimes without hair brushed or new clothes on. I often wonder if she's playing it all up but she throws such a fit.

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Oh Help!!Open in a New Window

I have not posted in quite a while as d has been in secure treatment for a year.  with some ups and downs, she had been doing better...or so I thought.  She was released to our care about a month ago and things started off well - she was eating well (had even gained weight), seemed happy (lessening of depression/hopelessness), was calling into her treatment centre for support, all seemed to be going well. she started high school, settled into our new home. she is pushing to be treated like a 'normal' 15 year old...working towards independence and getting her life back.
Then I started getting a weird feeling from her....honestly just a gut feeling that things were not all they seem. some push back on eating (which I expected), some attitude but nothing major or out of 'normal' teenage crap.  still I had this funny feeling, so this morning I went looking for her journal (maybe not my best moment but....).  
Now I am scared sh***less....she wrote that she is skipping lunch at school, she is actively calorie counting again, and wrote a list of ways to kill herself.  She has a habit of doing what she thinks needs to be done to get out of treatment (ie saying the right things to the right people).
She is very stubborn and strong-willed (always has been).  I feel her former treatment centre empowered her to cut me out of her treatment and now she will not take my word for what she needs (her words...you are not a doctor, dietician , nurse so you don't know).  her treatment centre (not just for ed) allowed her too much control over eating and choices in general, in my opinion.  It was a court ordered placement so I con not just send her back and she is tremendously resistant to any treatment.
I am at my wit's end today and don't know how I get this back on track.  Local services suck and all is voluntary unless she were to get admitted to hospital (which we really don't want).  She cuts me out of doctor/therapist appts.  She does not like to share her thoughts and feelings with me (not new).  I feel she is getting very entrenched again...how do I pull such a stubborn little thing out of this???
I can't take her out of school...it is her one motivation.  on the surface, she is eating and cooperating but she is pulling all the tricks she can to not eat and wants to supervise all meal prep.
thanks for the vent!  I know I can do this again...pull up my big girl pants and get on it.  this has just been such a long fight and I honestly thought it was almost over....

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Muscle DysmorphiaOpen in a New Window

https://www.mirror-mirror.org/muscle-dysmorphia.htm

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

What nextOpen in a New Window

Hi

So d has been doing well wr as far as I can tell but I’m trying to push extra on anyway (we don’t have historic curve but certainly to where we were more recently). She eats everything but nothing outside of this and is generally in a restored mood. OCD still present but loosening. However last night I realised she had a too tight belt on with leggings. She says stops her feeling sick after meals and helps with bloating - nonsense of course and all ed speaking so I took it off her and said not happening. She was really rude so I took her phone and I pad. She had a meltdown - she hates me I’m taking everything away from her. However this only lasted ten mins - previous meltdowns have been epic. And she then apologised. Is this good ? Obviously not the belt but the quicker meltdown and the apology. She apologised again this morning and I got a long hug. Is this something she wanted me to stop. When she said last night I was taking things away from her I clearly said - no I was taking things from Ed - I said that me and her dad remember her very clearly before she was unwell and we know what’s her and what is ed so we will not hesitate to stop ed behaviours. Weigh in today - wish us luck

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'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

It's back... need helpOpen in a New Window

I'm back here again...
My daughter (11) has just started secondary school and she's struggling with the change. So she's using food as a coping mechanism again. All week I've been 'a bit maudsley' with her. Basically I've been sitting with her while she eats. She's frequently in tears.... we had a new excuse this morning - 'the food tastes wierd'. There's no way it tasted weird. It was Nutella on toast (her favourite). Just another excuse not to eat.

She's still a normal weight so I'm just trying my hardest with her. She has been skipping meals, and then secretly binging later on. So I'm trying to get her eating proper meals so the binging urge goes away. This worked for me personally when I had anorexia/bulimia.

The foods she will eat are extremely limited, but she's been like that since she was a toddler so that's not new.

I'm going to try and refer her to camhs, but as she's a normal weight I'm not sure they'll do anything....

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

AN and divorced parentsOpen in a New Window

Hi all
Thanks so much for all your kind words and support .
Just wondering is anyone else divorced and trying to work on AN with an ex?
Mine refuses fbt and keeps telling her to put meat on her bones and how she needs to eat properly
He told her the ip unit was not a “holiday camp”
Anyone who has read my other posts know how disastrous that unit was oh and she came back with head lice
It’s so hard to not want to scream with frustration
Rant over 😲

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

5 year update and its not greatOpen in a New Window

Dear All,
I read this forum regularly but haven't posted in a long time. 
There is such a lovely spirit of sharing and support for all the newbies who have joined since I first did over 5 years ago (under a different name). I wish you all well. 
I am posting to try and form some sort of clarity around what is going on at this point in time for my D and our family. D was diagnosed with AN over five years ago at 16. We did the refeeding at home , a horrific time as you all know, then she  relapsed , then gained so she could go to college, then relapsed, then took a year out, became vegan and after a year at very low weight, we finally persuaded her to do treatment again and we refed her again. She retuned to college and had the best 6 months she ever had  in recent years, but then since April has slipped back down again. 
So here we are again, low weight, insisting she can recover by herself, insisting she is staying vegan, will not return to the therapist who did help her a lot. I am so sick of it. She has returned to college, but is stressed all the time. She lives in a separate apartment in the same building and pops in to visit a couple of times every day. She will not eat with us, avoids any family occasions, and is telling increasing number of half truths and fictions about all sorts of things. I feel myself pulling away from her as I don't believe much of what she says. She feels this and says she is not feeling the love and compassion from me. I also feel a sense of hopelessness about her future. I am also trying to keep a certain detachment because this illness has taken an enormous toll on me and there is not much left in the barrel. 
My H is beyond fed up- he hardly wants to see her. And yet I feel like we just can't seem to grapple with this. ED is so slippery. I feel it has infested every brain cell she has- after all this time, I still feel she cannot separate ED thoughts from a normal thought. So I feel anything I say is not getting through. 
And yet, throughout all these years D has had a wish for a nice life, for good things, for joy in her life. I always thought that strong life force would pull her through. She feels pressure from us all the time, feels we want to control her, despite us saying over and over that we all want the same thing. I used to talk about recovery but now I notice I don't, maybe I don't believe in it anymore, or feel like it will never happen. 
I want my own life now. I want to be able to work and travel when i feel like it- I have stayed at home so much to be there for my D. I want to believe her when she tells me so earnestly that she can recover by herself, to stop stressing over her. But I am realistic and believe she needs meal support. I am willing to do that, but she doesn't want it. 
I don't know where that leaves us all. I do know if she doesn't turn things around, we all get sucked back in to the horrible AN vortex. There is no just ignoring it, is there? 
Thank you for reading. I am just trying to get a handle on what is going on here. I feel like we keep going round in circles.

 

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Coming home from IP- what now?Open in a New Window

Our D 15yrs RAN is coming home from 3-4 weeks IP soon.  What now?

Understand this is a great opportunity to reset a number of habits, would love to get some ideas from this group of what we should consider- for example:

- do we remove the full-length mirror in her room? others in the house?
- what should we do re clothes she would have outgrown esp jeans?
- should we explicitly explain expectations/ consequences ie contract?
- considering moving from general therapist (had 4 sessions so far) to ED/ FBT specialist, any thoughts on how to manage that transition?
- as she will be WR (or close to), is some team exercise/ school sports ok to start?
- anything else we need to be aware of and/or consider?  

Really appreciate the collective and hard-earned knowledge and experience of this forum.  A Big Thank you to all of those who take the time to post.

Blue

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

What to Do When You Think Your Child Has an Eating DisorderOpen in a New Window

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-to-do-if-you-think-your-child-has-an-eating-disorder-4062806

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Book recommendationOpen in a New Window




I can't recommend this book enough. When my daughter got sick, I was living in a foreign country , with a large expat community and no help around. Not all countries offer the clinics, residentials, hospitals , professionals and insurance support the USA offers. In my city, very few mental health services were available, two hours drive there was more help, but it took me two years to find the ONLY EDucated team in the country, in the region. While reading the book I got so excited thinking about all the parents, therapists, paediatricians, general doctors, psychiatrist, gynaecologists, dieticians, nutritionist and friends all over the world who will benefit from such a book.

It is a very clear book, simple and easy to read, a big plus for those whose English is not their first language. It guides the reader through Family Based Treatment (FBT), the method which has proved to work and saved lives all over the world regardless the nationality or cultural background.

To empower families is the solution for the majority of mental health cases, but it becomes more relevant and truth when it comes to eating disorders.

This is a book I highly recommend to all professionals and families navigating this terrible journey.

I want to thank Doctor Muhlheim for such a clear book. This book is going to contribute to save lives all over the world. We need to find the way to translate it in to other languages soon.

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

now we have binge and purge...Open in a New Window

My 14 yo daughter became anorexic just over a year ago. Pretty severe behaviour but luckily caught quite quickly. We were happy with the treatment but, IMO, target weight was too low and she's been hovering around 50 kg. Target was 51 and just been put up to 52(she's 164 cm and always been on 50th percentile BMI before anorexia) but I think should have been at least 52 and now should be 53 or 54. I know small differences but I think that 1 or 2 kg does make a difference to her. But it's really hard when she sticks to the lower target that the clinic gave her, she just won't accept my target.

Over the summer we had a small relapse, went down to 49, now - very slowly- back up to 49.5. But been stuck there for a couple of months. Not losing, not gaining. Eating but very very controlled (seemingly) and I think her calories needs are high. 

After noticing snacks disappearing and that she had food in her room, she opened up and said she's been hoarding in her room, bingeing and then vomiting. She's only done this a few times. She's so tearful, contrite and ashamed which is so different to her anorexic behaviours which are combative and aggressive. 

This isn't a whole new ED, right? I feel inside like it's a continuation of the anorexia even though the behaviours are so different. That she's been treading water and eating enough to keep a lid on things but it hasn't gone away, that the bingeing is a symptom of that. We're not back in the absolute darkest days but we're not out of the woods either.

Added on top that she's struggling at school. Her old friends ditched her with the anorexia. She made a new best friend last year after she came back to school but the friend's just moved away and, while she has some friends, she's feeling a bit lonely. She says the bingeing and purging make her feel less empty   

Our psychologist at the ED clinic is on holiday this week so really at a loss what do do. 

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

Anyone else have aggression and anger increasing over even non food issues?Open in a New Window

My poor kids are suffering at the hands of ED d! She is kicking them, scratching and throwing things at them like a toddler when she does not get her way!
I keep telling her it is not acceptable. My 12 yr old son is trying his best not to retaliate, and can’t help himself sometimes, which is bad, as he will shove and she is so much weaker now and flies at the slightest push.
I am trying to coach him to walk away, as he is so much more rational than she is! (Ha, who would ever think pre teen boy rational, goes to show how ED d 16 has become so irrational!)
It is especially hard as I watch her twin develop emotionally while she seems to get less able to manage any emotional regulation. I thought it would be with food only, but it is spilling out to everything!
Any tips??

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 

How to get adult daughter to agree to treatmentOpen in a New Window

Hello, I am a first timer to your sight

My daughter was diagnosed at 14 with Anorexia. We took her to UNC eating disorder center and although she met the criteria for inpatient , there were no beds available and so they put her in intensive outpatient . Over 3 months she regained weight but has continued to struggle for the last 5 years . She briefly reached the low end of her ideal weight range and started having periods just before she went to college. She saw a nutritionist and therapist on an outpatient basis throughout her first year of college Over the past year she has lost a lot of weight but at 19 we can no longer force her into treatment. She has been seeing therapist and nutritionists on an outpatient basis for years but nobody seems to help. We talked her into an intensive outpatient program over summer break but she dropped out after 3 days and now refuses to go to any program because it will interfere with her “college experience.”
We don’t know how to convince her to get treatment. She has enough scholarship $ that she could pay for college without our help. Does anybody have any suggestions??
We are exhausted and don’t know what to do at this point. Intervention has been mentioned but I don’t see that working at this point. I have thought of trying to get control of her medically but have been told it is difficult to do . We would so appreciate any thoughts or help you could give.

Category:

'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

 


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